LOVE boldly. RISK offense.

One of the posts I've been meaning to make a regular is "Wisdom for the Week" based on things I'm reading and learning.  I think it rather appropriate to start this with one of the early Christian fathers, Thomas a Kempis.  His writings have long inspired and challenged me and recently I was able to get my hands on his "The Imitation of Christ" which is a fantastic read.  So as not to pollute the impact of his words, I will merely share with you some selections from what I've read over the past several days and weeks.  I hope it serves to bless and encourage you as it has for me.

"Don't lay your heart open to everyone; rather, take your affairs to the wise, to those who respect God....You ought to spend time with the humble, the honest-hearted, the devout, the pure-minded."


"We associate with persons on our own wave-length easily.  But following God sometimes means keeping peace by surrendering our own opinion.  Besides, who's wise enough to know everything?  Don't get cocky; get another opinion.  Even if you think well, give up your own ideas once in awhile for God's sake, and accept another's opinion.  This will turn to your good.  I hear this often: Safety comes more by hearing and taking counsel than by giving it.  I also hear this: Your opinion may sound good, but to refuse to yield to others when reason or circumstance require it - that's pride and rigidity....The right time to talk?  When you can speak constructively....Yet discussion about spiritual concerns stimulates growth, especially in a thoroughgoing Christian fellowship."


"Stand squarely in the battle: There you will experience God's help!  With His help you can fight to victory if you trust His grace."


"What you cannot change in yourself or others you must put up with patiently until God makes changes possible....Try to exercise patience when bearing with the defects and weaknesses in others, no matter what their shortcomings....How easy to want others perfect!  How hard to take care of our own faults!"

May our Savior and Father burn His truth into your heart today, this week, this coming year, and forevermore.

What is your stance?

That’s the question I keep hearing these days, from friends, from family, from perfect strangers.  And it’s a fair question, one I have expected. I think people ask this question for one or more of the following reasons:

1. They are acquainted with me personally, have genuine care for me, and are fearful that I might be heading down the wrong path with how I interpret Scripture or how I am approaching the LGBT or traditional Christian community.
2. They genuinely desire to get to know me better and this is one thing (among others) that they are interested in knowing.
3. They are considering supporting this vision in some way and want to make sure their money or efforts will not benefit a cause they don’t believe in.
4. They want to know if they disagree with me so they can work against what I’m doing.

I will go on the record now and tell you all that as a rule, I will not speak about my personal convictions on the matter publicly.  And I have good reasons for it.  I'll explain these reasons by responding to each of the motivations I've listed above for why people would want to know.

#1 – If someone truly cares about me and is already a good friend of mine, he/she probably already knows where I stand on things.  I don’t hide it in personal relationships.  So generally, these people won’t feel the need to ask me.  However, if this is not the case, or if they’re starting to wonder where I stand (based on what they read from my posts), all they have to do is ask me personally.  I don’t hide this information from people who know and trust my heart on things.  I just don’t think it is helpful to share with the public at large.  It actually could have the tendency to hinder building relationships of love and trust with both communities of people (LGBT and conservative Christians). 

#2 – If someone knows me personally and is growing in relationship with me, eventually it will come up and I will share with you my take on things.  But not right away.  Sharing these things requires some amount of intimacy and vulnerability that we may not achieve upon our first meeting.  We both need to feel we can trust each other before we delve into controversial discussions.

#3 – This is the hardest one to respond to.  While I appreciate the need for people who support me to feel as if they can really get behind what I’m doing, I still feel I cannot bend to this wish and make a public statement.  I feel doing that would automatically cause certain people to write off the message I am trying to get across – that our viewpoints are to be shared in loving relationships.  It would be a poor example of what I’m trying to teach others.  Also, it would inevitably make it about the issue again, and I’m not about the issue!  I’m about loving, respecting, and serving each other, despite the issue and despite our tendency to disagree over it.  The whole purpose of what I’m doing would be thwarted if I took a public stance because those who agree with me would flock to me, and those who don’t would seek to destroy what I’m doing.  I know some of this will still occur by me not taking a stance – but I really believe it will be more avoidable if I remain silent.  Lastly, to those that feel conflicted about whether to support me or not, I would say, don’t.  Seriously.  Honestly.  If you don’t feel you can get behind me, that is totally okay.  Not all of us are called to do what I’m doing.  Not all of us will feel comfortable with it.  If you cannot feel comfortable supporting me in the vagueness, I respect that.  I would never hold it against you.  But for those of you that do feel okay about it, awesome!  Let’s get going!  Let’s do this!

#4 – Okay, it’s kind of obvious.  Why would I feed a flame that doesn’t need feeding?  I’m not going to give people ammunition to hurl back at me.

Lastly, I ask of you all just one thing.  Don’t mistake my unwillingness to speak publicly about this as being afraid to be honest.  I’m not.  I know what I believe and why.  Afterall, as I’ve said before, I have spent years agonizing over this question.  And I am not afraid to share my personal convictions with people, but only within loving and trusting relationships with them, once I have earned the right to share my perspective, and when they know that I will love them and care for them, whether we end up believing the same thing or not.  Like Jesus did.  (If you don’t know what I’m referring to, check my last post: My Approach). 

Now, do I have all the answers?  Absolutely not!  Am I convinced that my viewpoint will never change?  Nope, not at all!  I am in a constant pursuit of God’s truth on these issues, and completely open to being utterly and totally wrong (although I sincerely hope and pray that 3 years of agonizing and searching haven’t led me totally wrong!).  I know I don’t have it figured all out.  But I do think I have a grasp on the most important things, and though I know some of you will disagree, I don’t think my “stance” is the most important thing.  I don’t think me ascerting my stance is necessary, or even helpful, to achieve the goals I’m working towards (if you want to know what those goals are, read “My Story and My Goals”).  The call I feel has little to do with my personal convictions on the topic.  It has much more to do with helping people realize theirs, showing God’s love to people who haven’t felt it before, righting some wrongs, and encouraging one another in pursuit of God’s truth.  Lastly, I have two important things to say:

First, I do not know everything.  In fact, I hardly know anything.  So I’m just trying to stick to the basics: loving like Jesus loves.



Second, Conservative Christians – you probably think I’m being too “non-committal”  LGBTQ – you might think I’m not driving a hard enough stance for your full acceptance into society, the church, etc.  To both of you, I say, I’m sorry if I have offended you.  I had anticipated it, but I don’t revel in it.  I’m just a person and I will fail you.  But I hope that you know that when I do, I’m sorry.  I will just keep trying to do the right thing the best I know how.  And trying to love the way Jesus did.  I hope I get at least some of it right.  I’ll keep on working on it.  Just keep coming back!



Keep the faith!  Much love!

If you read my post last week, you know that I’m working to respond to some concerns I’ve heard expressed over the past several weeks.  The first concern, which I responded to last week, is that I have not really clearly shared my goals for all of this (although, I’ve attempted to allude to them through the posts).  If you want to read my response to that, as well as my own personal story and why I’m doing what I’m doing, check it out here: My Story and My Goals.

The second concern people have expressed to me is that I have not really clearly shared my approach and strategy for how to achieve these goals (although I’ve attempted to do this somewhat vaguely through my posts as well).  As I’ve said before, part of the reason for that is that I am still forming some of this, so I’ve been reluctant to share too much detail about my goals and my strategies up to this point.  I hope this post sheds some more light on how I think we should go about reaching the goals I mentioned in my last post.  I think there are a couple concrete steps we should take, and in a particular order, but I’m still working through how to verbalize that exactly.  But I do want to speak, generally, about what those steps entail.

To start off, let’s review.  Here are the goals I mentioned I have in my last post.  Again, they will be tweaked a bit as I go, but generally, you will get the point:

My goal is to continue within the LGBT community to:

1. Love and serve them in such a way that they sense God’s love, strongly, through our interactions.
2. Love them in such a way that in personal relationships we can share our opinions, beliefs, and convictions with one another freely, without fear, and commit to continuing the journey towards truth together.
3. Engage in relationships with them where I can challenge, and be challenged, by people (even people I may disagree with) to pursue God and truth more passionately, more consistently, and more fervently.
4. Help Christians and churches to do all of the above with the LGBTQ community as well.
5. Help the LGBTQ community come to a place where they trust Christians enough to be able to do #1-#3 with the Christian community.

I just completed reading this amazing book by Christine Pohl and Christopher Heuertz called “Friendship at the Margins”  The very principles God has been revealing to me over the past several months and years have been captured and expressed so beautifully in its pages. You see, Chris and Christine have this wild idea that we should never make people into projects. Instead, they encourage entering into true and lasting friendships with people, not with the sole intent of evangelizing, but with the true hope of loving them, and encouraging one another in the pursuit of God’s truth. Our relationships should never be based on our desire to change someone, but rather, on our desire to share God’s love with people, and to experience it through mutual friendships.  The principles in the book deal mainly in relation to those in poverty situations, those being mistreated, enslaved, or abused, etc. but they are overarching principles which I believe (and one of the author confirmed for me) could certainly be applied in various contexts, including the LGBT community.  I’m going to steal from what they have to say because it articulates things in a way far beyond my own ability.  If you have not read this book, and you have a heart for showing God’s love to those in the LGBT community, or anyone who has been mistreated or marginalized, click that link above and buy yourself a copy immediately.  It is truly life-changing!

One of the ideas the authors present is that if we could learn to see people (in our case, the LGBT community) as individuals loved by God, as fellow travelers, rather than as projects, everything would change between us.  Instead of approaching people with the goal of changing or fixing them, the authors of “Friendship at the Margins” encourage approaching people in friendship, with a desire to understand one another, and to show God’s love to each other through our interactions.  Jesus said that the world will know we are his disciples if we love one another.  Unfortunately, as Christians, we are instead known to be (1) hypocritical, (2) only caring about making converts rather than truly caring about people, (3) antihomosexual, (4) sheltered, (5) too political, (6) and judgemental.  (This was found as a result of some fascinating research done by David Kinnaman and in cahoots with the Barna Group which he published in his book "UnChristian".  I highly recommend it.)

I know that there are many opinions about what the Christian’s response should be to homosexuality. But my goal is to make our first response love. When it all shakes out, we may disagree theologically or morally, but I believe we could love each other through that painful process of disagreement, and sharpen each other as a result.  I believe that if we can live in the spot where we learn from each other through our disagreements, that we will be pushed closer to Truth (capital T, meaning God's truth), and thus, closer to God in the midst of that, even in the issue of homosexuality!  I believe we could learn to stand in support of one another, as people, even if we don’t stand in support of each other’s beliefs.  I believe that loving someone well does not mean you have to support and agree with everything that person does. 

It is my firm belief that (1) we lose our voice of influence with a person when we make their moral decisions the first or the only point of conversation with them and (2) that Jesus didn’t operate in the “condemn people first and only love and serve them if they get in line” model that we so often do. Instead, Jesus stood up for and defended the woman caught in adultery, saving her life, in an act of a radical service and mercy.  He spoke to and offered the Samaritan woman at the well his gift of everlasting life, when others would never have acknowledged her.  He ate dinner with the ones the rest of his society scorned and looked down upon. 

Some would argue that part of loving someone is calling them to deny sin (or however you want to phrase it).  But do you know what stands out to me?  Jesus did all those acts of service and love, towards people who had been marginalized, mistreated and condemned, before he brought morality into the conversation.  Jesus earned the right to be heard by people, by first showing them culture-bending, mind-blowing, unfathomable love in the time of their need.  If we could only emulate this to our fellow person in the LGBT community, can you imagine that transformation that would take place, in both communities?  I can.  Oh, I can!  Hearts and lives would be forever changed!  We would see reconciliation and discipleship happening that is mind blowing!  Young men and women who are struggling to come to terms with their orientations would stop taking their lives.  They would feel safe asking questions, seeking spiritual guidance, and being truthful in our churches.  Oh, that I might see just a glimmer of it happen in my lifetime!

We have to stop treating people as if their ideas, their thoughts, their struggles, and their lives are not worthy of our care and consideration.  I think Chris and Christine hit the nail on the head in “Friendship at the Margins” when they said, “We are better able to resist tendencies to reductionism when we are in relationships that affirm each person’s dignity and identity and when we come into those relationships confident that God is already at work in the other person.”  Unfortunately, this is not always the stance of humility that Christians, me included, have taken with people.  Instead, we define people based on our presuppositions and automatically group them into categories.  Before a word ever leaves their mouth, we’ve determined to doubt it’s sincerity, question it’s authenticity, and discount it’s truthfulness.  Sad, but true.  I know because I’ve been guilty of it.

It’s time to start treating each other with dignity and respect, despite our differences.  How else will we ever inspire a community who has been mistreated to trust Christians (and ultimately, God) again?  How do we get them to believe that we actually care about them, that we are not in the business of making a project of them?  How do we break down the defenses for the past wrongs and inspire them to risk relationship with us once again?  We apologize for the past wrongs.  We care about what matters to them - their pain, their stories, their challenges.  We love and serve them.  We humble ourselves.  And we pray to God for the opportunity to earn their trust again and to show them the love of God, as he first intended us to.

LGBT people have heard quite a lot about God.  Some of them have even heard about his love, because there are some Christians and some churches that are getting it.  But in my experience, few in the LGBT community have truly felt and experienced the love that God has for them.  Instead, they have been dealt hatred in his name.  Few have been told the truth that God loves them and desperately desires relationship with them, that their orientation has nothing to do with their ability to enter relationship with Him.  In order to let people know and experience God’s love, we must break down the walls that we have erected to keep people out and instead show them that God's grace and love are not bound by conditions.  And we must show that through our actions.  As Chris and Christine put it,  “In situations where persons have been brutalized or have suffered at the hands of others, words of comfort, hope and promise – unaccompanied by presence and action – are small comfort indeed.”  We must be present.  We must be vigilant.  We must be full of care, and concern, and action.  Our hearts must be open.

You know my goals for this project I am taking on.  My approach?  Humility.  Service.  Love.  So that the LGBT community can feel safe with me, and hopefully, with you too.  So that they can experience God’s love, some of them for the first time, even if they don’t want to “become a Christian”.  So that they can get to know the God I serve, the Jesus I am in love with.  So that they have room, and space, and grace, and encouragement to grow in relationship with God (if they so desire it).  And so that we can tear down the walls that separate us from each other, build bridges of trust and reconciliation, and ultimately, acquaint this beautiful community of people with the God that desires a relationship with them.

So, there’s my approach, in all of it’s non-succinctness.  My goal is to, within the next few months, narrow it down and make it a little more bullet pointed for you.  But thanks (and kuddos!) to those of you who have taken time to read that which burns in my heart in the meantime.  One thing I plan to do (hopefully in the near future) is to write up some general “Here’s What We Believe” type of information for those of you who are curious.  But again, wording is of utmost importance so bear with me as I build this framework.  Lastly, I have two very important things to say.

First, I do not know everything.  In fact, I hardly know anything.  So I’m just trying to stick to the basics: loving like Jesus loves.

Second, Conservative Christians – you probably think I’m being too “non-committal”  LGBTQ – you might think I’m not driving a hard enough stance for your full acceptance into society, the church, etc.  To both of you, I say, I’m sorry if I have offended you.  I had anticipated it, but I don’t revel in it.  I’m just a person and I will fail you.  But I hope that you know that when I do, I’m sorry.  I will just keep trying to do the right thing the best I know how.  And trying to love the way Jesus did.  I hope I get at least some of it right.  I’ll keep on working on it.  Just keep coming back!

Keep the faith!  Much love!

My Thanksgiving break was…interesting.  And good.  And hard.  Very, very hard.  Over the holiday, I had some people in my life who are my closest family and friends assert rather strongly that they disagreed, or at least had strong cautions rising, with the way I am approaching this vision.  These are people that I love and trust very much.  Don’t get me wrong, I knew going into this that it would be an uphill battle, that not everyone would agree with me, that some would think I’ve lost my marbles, and that perhaps, I may even lose some relationships through it.  I have struggled, and I do mean STRUGGLED, for years, with this reality, and with God, frankly, over what he thinks, and how that should influence my actions.  (That last struggled is in all caps and bold with good reason – sleepless nights, days and days of journaling, praying, grappling, researching, etc.)  

A few months ago, I finally came to the spot where, in a time of prayer, crying and pouring my heart out to God, I laid it at his feet, knowing full well what I risk in taking on this issue – perhaps my closest relationships, perhaps my reputation, perhaps some people’s view of my character, perhaps everything.  And God spoke to me, which broke my heart even more (not surprising, he tends to have that softening effect on me).  He said, “Heidi, even if you were to lose all of that, you would only know a fraction of the pain and loss that so many in the LGBT community have experienced.”  HEART.  SHATTERED.

So many have lost things like that because of their sexual orientation – their friendships, their family members, and people’s view of their character.  Some have lost their homes.  Some have lost their churches.  Some have lost far more than I could ever stand to lose.  So I couldn’t just sit safely by in my comfort zone.  I had to do something.

My heart and my prayer is that I would always be open to correction – I know I don’t have it all figured out.  But it doesn’t mean it isn’t hard when you realize how much you’re risking.  And it certainly doesn’t mean that criticism is always easy for me to take.  I do think some people have expressed some valid concerns.  So I want to address them with you this week.  

1. I have not really clearly shared my goals for all of this (although, I’ve attempted to allude to them through the posts).
2. I have not really clearly shared my approach and strategy for how to achieve these goals (although I’ve attempted to do this somewhat vaguely through my posts as well).
3. I have not made “a stance” or even addressed why I will or won’t take a stance.
4. I have been perhaps a bit heavy-handed with Christians.

1. Love and serve them in such a way that they sense God’s love, strongly, through our interactions.
2. Love them in such a way that in personal relationships we can share our opinions, beliefs, and convictions with one another freely, without fear, and commit to continuing the journey towards truth together.
3. Engage in relationships with them where I can challenge, and be challenged, by people (even people  I may disagree with) to pursue God and truth more passionately, more consistently, and more fervently.
4. Help Christians and churches to do all of the above with the LGBTQ community as well.
5. Help the LGBTQ community come to a place where they trust Christians enough to be able to do #1-#3 with the Christian community.

Hey Everyone!
Thanks so much for your love, support and encouragement over the past several weeks.  There are some exciting things on the horizon as I work to develop safe, non-threatening environments to discuss faith and sexual orientation.  I have been so blessed by the flood of emails, messages, and questions from all of you!  If you've been following this blog, you know I'm working on a variety of projects - developing seminars for traditional evangelical Christians, sponsoring events to provide safe places to discuss the issues in non-threatening ways, relationship forming, networking, etc.

I’m the type of person that doesn’t like to beat around the bush, so I’ll come right out with it.  The fact of the matter is, it will take some donations to help get things off the ground.  I'd love your support.  Each part of what I am doing is vitally important to the success of this overall vision.  Along with small expenses for books, resources, travel, and the like, there is one rather large expense that is looming.

There is a conference in Denver, Colorado this January that includes workshops on a variety of topics including the Bible and Homosexuality, Support for Parents, Prayer and Spiritual Growth, responding to Homophobia, Dealing with Depression, and other topics related to faith and sexual orientation.   My attendance will surely serve to further educate me on the issues and the varying perspectives of the LGBT community, as well as put me in touch with hundreds (perhaps thousands) of people who are working to make sense of their faith and sexual orientation.  It is a networking and growth opportunity I feel I can’t afford to miss.  Plus, I'll get to report back to you all about it on here - and I think it will serve for some really interesting posts!

The cost for the trip, hotel, registration, etc. will total around $1000 and I need to raise it by December 15, which is fast approaching!  If you feel so led, would you consider supporting me financially?  Your contribution will directly impact lives of many, as it will lead toward the ever overarching goal - developing these safe environments in order to share God's love!  Here's how you can contribute!

• To support this trip (or the project in general) with a one time gift:
  Find the "donate" button on the right - click it and donate using any major credit card or paypal account

In addition to the conference, I am working to build ongoing support in order to develop a budget I can work off of throughout the year.  This will help ongoing costs of the project - including seminars, travel, speakers, etc. and will serve to sustain this project long-term.  My goal is to start off with a budget of at least $200 a month to cover basic expenses.  Just 10 supporters of $20 a month will get us there!  If you would like to support our efforts with your contribution of $20/month, here's how:

• To support me monthly:
  Find the "subscribe" button on the right and pledge your ongoing support of $20/month.

It sounds cliche to say it, but I truly do mean this: any donation is so appreciated, $1 or $100.  And, as always, I value your encouragement and support, even more than your monetary contributions.  Thanks so much for letting me share my heart with you.  I am so blessed to be on this journey and to have you all in my corner.  Thank you, sincerely, for the part you are each playing through your love, prayers, and donations.

Blessings!  Much love!
 
Heidi Miller

One of the things that has proved the most transformative for me are all of the people I have met over the past few years, and how unique each of their stories are.  As each of them share with me the pain and struggle surrounding their coming out experiences, I am always humbled, challenged, and heartbroken that we have not done more to show God's love to those who are in the midst of serious crises.

So, I want you to meet Jared.  Jared is a really special person that I've had the blessing to get to know a little bit through his participation in an online community I am a part of.  Jared's story is one of the most open, honest, and heart-tugging that I've heard.  I thought you all deserved to hear it too, and Jared was more than willing to oblige.

So, here's Jared:


 (Everyone say, "HI JARED!!!")

And here's his story, in his own words, untouched by me.  Let your heart be open as you read it. 
-----------------------------------------
I have grown up in a very conservative Christian household ever since I can remember, I have believed in God ever since I can remember. When I was five or six, my dad came into my room to tuck me into bed and told me that he knew that I believed in God, but that part of that means I have to declare my faith to God, out loud. So amidst his prescence and the prescence of the Lord, I declared my belief and love for him.

Everything was fine and dandy until about seventh grade. This was when my gay feelings started appearing in my life. At first, I was only attracted because I wanted to be like what I saw, but then I started becoming sexualy attracted to them. I had no idea what to believe. I knew what my dad had told me about 'the homosexuals' and I didn't want to be that. I believed in God, why would he give me these crazy notions?

I wondered that all the way through high school. I graduated from high school, still gay. Things were pretty hard for me then, my dad remarried to a very conservative woman who I couldn't get along with. She really made school difficult for me and the one place I was supposed to feel welcome at, my home, was like a prison cell. Things just pilled up on top of everything. Life started feeling insignificant, suicide was not really a factor, but it did cross my mind. And I still loved God, but didn't know why.

I didn't know what to do, so when I went to college, I expected I would be open about my feelings, but I got scared and couldn't do it. After all, the first week I just happened to bump into a lot of people and make friends with them and almost all of them were Christian. What would they think? I hid my feelings from my roommate and everyone I knew. I only confided in one woman, and she was very nice about it, unfortunately, as school picked up, I barely talked to her again.

As I hid my true feelings, my relationship started failing with me and the Lord. I didn't want it to or even realize it much, but I wasn't talking to him at all, so I was surely losing him. Praying halted, the music I listened to was trash, everything was horrible in my relationship. I went on, doing whatever I wanted to do and two years later, I paid the price.

Now I am taking a year off, because I don't have the money to support myself, so I am struggling right now just to make ends meet. God has given me a place to stay, for the time being, but I feel I am being a burden to them, so the sooner I can, I am going to find my own place to stay. The plans for my future are still right where they always were, in his hands.

The September of this year, I had a converstaion with my dad about my lack of work. I had told my dad before I went to college that I was bisexual because I honestly was very confused, but partially because I thought he might be able to understand. To my surprise, he was understanding, but every chance he gets, he tells me how bad 'the homosexuals' really are. This night, we didn't talk about that.

After a lot of emotions and tears, I decided I needed to talk to God again, so I went to a quiet place in town and just let my tears fall. I cried about missing my mother, I cried about having no job, I cried because I was homosexual, I cried. I then pathetically told God I needed him to help me. I told him I knew I was unworthy of anything he could help with, but that I knew I needed him to help me because I alone couldn't do it.

As I finished up my talk with God, I turned the radio on to here Z104, a pop station, and quickly changed it to Life102.5, Christian music. On the radio was Matthew West's song "The Motions" and after that was Echoing Angels' "You Alone." Let's just say both these songs spoke to me about my feelings of being gay. I cried on the way home and just kept repeating, "You are amazing God."

Two days later, I had a job and two interviews. I also found this site (gaychristian.net) the day after my Golden Birthday, so I know my selfish requests had been answered.

On 10/11/10, I was finally able to come out on facebook. In that process, I was able to come out to both my mother and my father. I was very worried how they would think and what they would do, how they would treat me, etc. But with God's grace, they both have said they will love me no matter what I do.

Things will still be a little difficult, as they both do not understand and think that what I am doing is wrong, but with time, I know we all can endure this and get over it.

I am just in awe of our God, only God could love so unconditionally. He is incredible and I am so glad I was able to restart my realationship with him and get things back on track. He truly is an amazing God. I hope this has helped you, because it surely has helped me.
-----------------------------------------

Jared, thanks so much for your willingness to share your story, your journey, and your heart with us.  We are better people for hearing it.  May your walk with God continue to flourish.  May you find his love all around you, and may you become more and more like him each and every day!  Thank you for sharing!

Ever felt worried about saying the wrong thing and suddenly (and unintentionally) causing offense?  Have you ever asked, "What does that mean?" or "Is that offensive?"  or "Why do they do that?" but have been too afraid to ask?  Well, if you missed part one of Gay Lingo 101 (the first ten things you should know...in no particular order other than alphabetical), check it out here.   Hungry for more?  Greg strikes again!  Here's his take on the next 10 things you should know:

-----------------------------------------------------------
LGBTQQI Is Not a Federal Agency: Part Two
By Greg Cassatt

1.       EX-GAYS/CONVERSION THERAPY – The ex-gay movement and, namely, conversion therapy are among the most volatile and intensely abhorred topics in the homosexual community.  The term “ex-gay” was first coined in 1980, and refers to a person who was once considered to be LGBT, but who no longer retains that identity due to conflicting personal or religious views.  The ex-gay movement has been spearheaded by an interdenominational Christian organization called Exodus International since its founding in 1976.  Exodus International and groups like it maintain the idea that the “sin of homosexual behavior” can be overcome and reversed through the use of prayer, counseling, and conversion therapy (sometimes called reparative therapy) – a highly refuted form of therapy that seeks to change sexual orientation through the use of intense psychological methods, and even in some cases, the use of electroconvulsive (electroshock) therapy.  Since its beginning, mainstream health organizations have opposed the use of conversion therapy, including the American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, the American Counseling Association, the National Association of Social Workers, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the National Association of School Psychologists, the American Academy of Physician Assistants, and the World Health Organization. However, the problem arises when it comes to statistical evidence.  Study upon study has been done on conversion therapy with varying results causing even more confusion.  The truth is that sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.  Some argue that conversion therapy only achieves change in behavior rather than truly re-orienting sexuality.  Others disagree.  I think the reason why this becomes such a hot button issue is that, for most of us in the LGBT community, our parents either threatened us with, or actually put us in conversion therapy as a response to our coming out to them as adolescents.  And for many of us, this caused additional pain and/or confusion in coming to terms with our sexuality.

2.       GAY LIFESTYLE – The term “gay lifestyle” is a phrase that gets used quite a lot, and may come across offensive without actually meaning to be.  What I’ve seen happen with this most often is that the Church or many fundamentalist groups will reference something negative as being a part of the “gay lifestyle” like promiscuity, serial monogamy, prostitution, child molestation, drugs, alcohol, etc. and how it is a destructive force in a certain person’s life.  The problem here is that all of these qualities exist in the heterosexual world too, so attributing them to a gay lifestyle is derogatory and immediately creates a double standard.  Similarly, “gay agenda” is a phrase to avoid as well for its pejorative origins.

3.       GAY PRIDE – On June 28, 1969, a series of violent demonstrations broke out against a police raid at the Stonewall Inn in the Greenwich Village district of New York City.  The Stonewall riots marked the beginning of the American gay rights movement; and on June 28, 1970 the first Gay Pride marches took place in Los Angeles, Chicago, and New York celebrating their anniversary.  Each year since Stonewall, late June and early July have been host to a growing number of Gay Pride celebrations around the world in recognition of the riots.  In addition, the Gay Pride events not only seek to provide a place where the gay community can come out and celebrate as one unified culture free of discrimination, but also to provide a place where straight allies and inquisitive heterosexuals can intermingle with the gay community to learn more about it.

4.       GENDER EXPRESSION – Gender expression is the external method a person uses to express their gender identity, such as clothing, speech, movement, etc.

5.       GENDER IDENTITY – Where gender expression is the external interpretation of a person’s gender, gender identity is how that person internally understands their gender.  A person’s gender identity does not always correspond to their biological sex.  Gender expression and gender identity are the key factors in understanding the transgender and transsexual communities.

6.       GLBT/LGBT/LGBTQQI – Regardless of the various orders in which you may see these letters, they are all referring to the same groups, so the key is to understanding what the letters are.  “L” is for Lesbian, describing female homosexuals.  “G” is for Gay; Gay can be a gender universal term, but in this instance is representing male homosexuals.  “B” is for Bisexuals.  “T” is for the Transgender community.  The double “Q” is for Queer and Questioning.  This use of Queer is the subculture previously referenced.  The Queer community consists of a group of individuals who believe that the gender specific terms of gay, lesbian, and bisexual are too restricting and opt for a term that is gender neutral.  Questioning in this instance is referring to those still in the exploration and experimentation stages of their sexuality.  The “I” is for Intersex individuals.  Intersex is used to describe individuals born with genitalia and/or alternate sexual traits that make the determination of gender impossible, or those with genitalia that combine features of both genders.  (Hermaphrodite is a term now considered offensive and is no longer used to describe intersexual people.)

7.       LOVE THE SINNER, HATE THE SIN – This phrase has been used in modern society to describe everything from abortion to homosexuality.  Typically, I hear this phrase from those people who actually don’t intend any harm, and are generally trying to reconcile support for their homosexual friends without trampling on any of their religious beliefs regarding homosexuality.  The problem that arises here is not the intent behind it, but the actual phrasing of what is being said.  Generally, there are three aspects of an individual that are fundamentally innate:  race, gender identity, and sexual orientation.  This phrase defines homosexuality as a sin which, depending on your religious views, may be the case; however, this statement implies that a definitive, unchangeable part of who these people are is corrupt or wicked.  So to love somebody as a person, but hate a part of them that they view as ultimately inseparable from them creates a conflict within itself.  Aside from the well-meaning people that use this phrase, it has taken quite a hold in fundamentalist evangelical circles, strangely enough, and developed into more of a scapegoat phrase.  Nevertheless, this concept actually does not exist anywhere in the Bible or any other Christian spiritual texts ever found.  In reality, it is an overly misinterpreted quote from Mahatma Gandhi.

8.       PRIDE FLAG/RAINBOW FLAG – Created in 1978 by California artist Gilbert Baker, the rainbow flag has become the international symbol for the LGBT community.  There are six stripes from top to bottom:  Red (Life), Orange (Healing), Yellow (Sunlight), Green (Nature), Blue (Serenity), and Purple (Spirit).  Occasionally the pride flag will appear with an additional black stripe representing those in the community lost to AIDS.

9.       PROPOSITION 8 – Proposition 8 (or the California Marriage Protection Act) can effectively be described as DOMA on a state level.  By defining marriage as only a heterosexual union, Proposition 8 overturned the California Supreme Court ruling that same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marry in the state.

10.   THAT’S GAY – The statement “that’s gay” has become a rampant colloquialism used to describe something stupid or disliked.  Obviously, this type of use can have a negative impact on people coming to terms with their sexuality and the negative connotations they may incur as being identified as “gay” in that context.  The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN, pronounced “glisten”) has launched a massive campaign against damaging language and the use of careless anti-LGBT speech called “ThinkB4YouSpeak”.  Part of their web-initiative has been to place counters on their website that monitor the use of anti-LGBT speech across Twitter, with the goal of reducing the counts to zero.

Hopefully this has provided some insight and understanding into our community.  If you’re ever unsure, honesty is always the best policy.  The LGBT community is more than willing to explain something about our culture you may not understand or know about.  Save yourself the stress and guesswork, and just go ahead and ask one of us; you’ll probably make a friend in the process.
-----------------------------------------------------------

Big thanks to Greg for sharing his perspective with us and helping us avoid some potential pitfalls!  Feel free to leave questions and comments on any of the lingo here or in part one.

This is my friend Greg.  Greg is awesome.  There are lots of reasons why Greg is awesome, but one of them is that he is SUPER supportive of everything I am up to with this blog and related events.  Greg laughs at my jokes, loves my husband's appletinis, is remarkably genuine and sincere, super easy to talk to, and deep as all get out.  And Greg is gay.  Greg and I don't always agree on spirituality, theology, politics, etc. but we love each other all the same.  He's great like that.  Another reason that Greg is awesome is because he was willing to write all of us who are not "in the know" a really cool, very informative, super helpful "Gay Lingo for Dummies" type of an article.  It's really interesting!  I know, because I read it already.  I even learned some new things through it.  I think this information is important, because I know a lot of you have questions about the LGBT community and/or culture.  I also know what it feels like to be very worried about saying the wrong thing and suddenly (and unintentionally) causing offense.  So, for those of you who have ever asked, "What does that mean?" or "Is that offensive?"  or "Why do they do that?" but have been too afraid to ask, read on.  I'm posting it in two parts, because it's massive, and I don't want you to bite off more than you can chew.  If you have any questions as you are reading through this, feel free to ask via the comments section.  I'm sure Greg would love to respond and so would I.  Lastly, leave him some love people!  He has spent a lot of time putting this together for our benefit!  Enjoy!
----------------------------------------------
LGBTQQI Is Not a Federal Agency
By Greg Cassatt

When I was asked to write a guest blog for LOVEboldy, my initial reaction was sheer excitement coupled with nostalgic whims of my younger banters in the literary world.  However, my enthusiasm would quickly turn into a mild shutdown of artistic brain function as I pondered what topic would be a worthy contribution to the challenge of LOVEboldy.  Luckily for me, Heidi’s request also had the foresight to combat this issue.  And shortly thereafter, I received a list of words and phrases with a simple request:  explain what these mean.  So after expanding the list a bit, I will be helping all of you wonderful readers to navigate the vocabulary, the do’s-and-don’ts, and all the twists and turns of the gay lexicon from a member of its very own community.  By the end of this list, you’ll have the insight and confidence to engage the LGBT community without bouts of terror and panic at the thought of inadvertently offending anybody.

1.    ABSOLUTE CODE/THE CODE – First coined in the 1950’s, the absolute code is that one does not expose another person’s homosexuality to their straight friends, boss and coworkers, or to the press.  This is considered to be a huge taboo in gay culture since involuntarily outing someone can be detrimental and/or dangerous to that person’s physical and psychological well-being.

2.    “ADAM AND EVE, NOT ADAM AND STEVE” – Surfacing on anti-homosexual protest signs in the late 1970’s, this slogan is intended to imply that gay relationships are inherently unnatural because they do not correspond to the Biblical account of creation’s first human beings.  This statement is generally dismissed by the gay community because its logic is arguably faulty; however it continues to be a point of contention due to the intent behind its use.

3.    ALLY/STRAIGHT ALLY – Any ally is any heterosexual person who supports LGBT individuals or causes.  One major group that champions the ally movement is PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays).  A common symbol among straight allies is an inverted pink triangle surrounded by a green circle.  This symbol is used to designate a space or location as being safe from homophobia or discrimination.

4.    BISEXUAL – Bisexual is a term used to describe any person with a defined sexual interest in both genders.  Many homosexuals identify as bisexual early on in the coming out process as a “buffer” orientation of sorts, either to mask their sexual experimentation or until they are comfortable enough to make the leap to identifying as gay or lesbian.  This trend, however, has brought mass amounts of hostility upon bisexuals from both sides of the fence.  Certain heterosexual groups condemn them for dabbling in homosexuality, and certain homosexual groups accuse them of falsely identifying as bisexual as a way to avoid the persecutions and hardships experienced during the coming out process.

5.    CHOICE/ORIENTATION/PREFERENCE – These three words have been the source for many formidable debates and fierce hostilities when used incorrectly, so remember these if nothing else.  First and foremost, avoid stating or implying that homosexuality is a choice.  This is a false idea that has managed to linger around despite the volumes of research demonstrating otherwise.  It is no easier for me to say when I “chose” to be homosexual, as it would be for Heidi to say when she “chose” to be heterosexual.  Yes, there are those few people who actually make a conscious decision to have homosexual experiences – this is sexual experimentation and should not be used to create a halo effect on the rest of the community.  Secondly, the terms sexual orientation and sexual preference are not interchangeable because they mean two entirely different things.  Sexual orientation is a person’s predisposed level of sexual attraction to the same or opposite sex; this term is fully inclusive of heterosexuals as well.  Orientation is the most correct terminology when referencing an individual’s “type” of homosexuality.  Sexual preference on the other hand is referring to a person’s sexual interests or attractions.  For example, Jane Doe’s sexual orientation is lesbian and her sexual preference is for blondes.

6.    CIVIL UNIONS/GAY MARRIAGE – Civil unions were first created as an attempt by Vermont to establish protections for gay and lesbian couples, because gay marriage was not an option at the time.  More recently, the term has been offered up as an alternative to gay marriage by several politicians and special interest groups.  There are, however, some major differences between the two that may clear up why there is such resistance to civil unions by the gay community.  In 1997, the General Accounting Office released a list of 1,049 benefits and protections extended to heterosexual marriages that were not afforded to homosexual civil unions, such as interstate recognition, the ability to file joint federal tax returns, and hospital visitation rights.  An addendum to this list was released by the GAO in 2004, expanding it to a total of 1,138 benefits and protections ranging from estate taxes, immigration policies, and property taxes to social security, medical decisions, and domestic violence protections.  The push for gay marriages has been to extend these rights to gay and lesbian couples under the federal definitions of the law.  It has never been the intent or desire of the LGBT community to defile anyone’s religious beliefs, but rather to equate the two relationships in the eyes of the government.  When you hear the term “gay marriage” in the LGBT community, it is not typically being used to refer to a religious ceremony; it is referring, instead, to a federally recognized status of citizenship and tax coding.

7.    DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL (DADT) – “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is a policy passed under the Clinton administration that prevents military officials from actively pursuing an inquiry into a service member’s sexual orientation.  DADT is most often quoted, incorrectly, as the policy banning gays in the military.  The truth is that being homosexual has always been material for discharge since the American Revolution.  DADT does not prevent gays from being in the military; it only prevents them from being openly gay in the military.

8.    DEFENSE OF MARRIAGE ACT (DOMA) – DOMA is probably the most controversial and hated piece of legislature in the gay community.  The Defense of Marriage Act is a federal policy that prohibits the requirement of one state to recognize a homosexual marriage performed in another state.  Furthermore, it provides a standing definition for all federal actions regarding marriage as between one man and one woman, and defines “spouse” as a husband or wife of the opposite sex.  What this means for the gay community:  Say Heidi had met a nice girl named Danielle, they moved to Massachusetts, and received a fully legally-recognized homosexual marriage.  For their honeymoon, they decide to take a trip to Florida to visit me and go to Disney World.  While in Florida, Danielle becomes unusually ill and is rushed to the emergency room, where she’s immediately admitted and remains unconscious.  Here’s where the problems begin.  Because Florida does not have same-sex marriage, they are not required to recognize one from Massachusetts.  Therefore, Heidi is not only banned from making any kind of medical decisions regarding the best interests of her new wife, but she’s not even permitted in to see Danielle since she’s not a “spouse” or blood relative of the patient.  And that’s only the start of it.  If things work out for the best and Danielle survives the incident but needs Heidi or an attendant to stay home and care for her, Heidi would not be able to claim Danielle as a dependent on her taxes, or receive any sort of Social Security, Disability, or military pension on her behalf for her care.  In fact, Heidi and Danielle wouldn’t even be permitted to file taxes jointly, because even though the state in which they reside recognizes their marriage, the federal government does not define them as spouses.  This act is the reason for the 1,138 missing benefits and protections mentioned previously under Civil Unions.

9.    DRAG/TRANSGENDER/TRANSSEXUAL/TRANSVESTITE – These terms are similar to the choice/orientation/preference discussion, in that they are constantly used interchangeably when they should not be.  To start we’ll look at the definitions and history of each one.  Drag performers, simply put, are entertainers specifically impersonating a member of the opposite gender.  Drag performers are always gay.  The art of today’s drag performers originated early on in gay clubs as a way to raise money for the community.  Each performer would collect the tips they received from the audience and then a portion, if not all, was donated to AIDS hospices in the area.  Transgender individuals are those whose gender identity/expression is socially unconventional to the physical gender in which they were born.  Transgender is an umbrella term encompassing drag queens, transsexuals, transvestites, and the like.  A transsexual person is an individual under the transgender umbrella that has taken surgical or hormonal steps to change their physical body to reflect their gender identity.  Transsexuals can be homosexual or heterosexual in orientation.  In fact, a majority of transsexuals engage in what would be defined as heterosexual relationships in regards to their gender identity, and tend not to consider themselves part of the gay community.  Lastly, transvestites are heterosexuals who obtain sexual or emotion pleasure from dressing in clothing typically associated with the opposite gender.  The question I come across most in regards to these groups of individuals is how you refer to them.  People have a tendency to get so caught up in the Pronoun Game of “he/she” that they’d rather just not interact with them at all.  A good rule of etiquette for your next encounter:  the pronoun you use should match the gender of the person’s appearance.  Regardless of whether or not you know it’s your friend Jack standing in front of you, if Jack’s got a wig and dress on, then Jack is a "she" tonight.

10.    DYKE/FAG/QUEER – Each of these terms are derogatory and offensive in origin.  The use of these among bullies and homophobes is comparative to the use of racial slurs against ethnic minorities.  In more recent times, an effort has been made in the LGBT community to devalue the negative connotations behind these words.  For example, Dykes on Bikes, “fag hags,” and various other euphemisms have become common use terms.  Those who identify as queer have even developed separately into their own subculture of the LGBT community.
----------------------------------------------
So now you're hooked right?  There's a lot more to come in part two!  Stay posted!  Feel free to post questions below...you can even do it anonymously if you're too embarrassed to admit you don't know!  This is a judgement free zone!  Thanks for reading!

Hello friends!  LOVE boldly RISK offense has been around for a few weeks now and I have truly been floored by the responses I've been receiving.  I thought it would be only fair to let you into my world a little bit.  Firstly, I am amazed at the amount of people reading.  I figured I'd have a few faithful readers and some people checking in here and there to begin with, but I am truly encouraged by the response!  There have been about 150-200 views, EACH TIME I POST! (and yes, I am screaming the all caps words...well at least internally).  Incredible!  I'm amazed!  And it's growing!  My last post (yes, the one where I went bezerko and annoyed the heck out of you all, begging for comments incessantly throughout the day) got over 200 views in the first day!  You all amaze me!  You have been telling your facebook buddies, your twitter compadres, your own blog followers, and just people in general and I am so excited.  The more people that can hear this message the better.  So, thank you, so much, for all your help and support!  Add to that all of the e-mails and direct messages I've received from you guys and I feel like one lucky girl!  I will never forget my birthday you guys - what a beautiful gift you gave to each other.  I read your comments with tears in my eyes!  My heart overflows with love for you all!

Okay, note to self, stop using so many !!!!!!!  It's getting out of control!  Oops!!!

Some of you are probably wondering where all this is going.  The truth is, I'm wondering that myself!  I have lots of ideas and vision though, and am excited to share what is up and coming.  I didn't create this blog just to have a nice place to write and get my thoughts out to the world.  Instead, I want to start a movement!  I want to be a vessel that helps to bring change and reconciliation - to hearts and lives, to our churches, to our culture, and to our country at large.  This is no side hobby for me.  I am very serious about it and practically jumping out of my skin with excitement for what's to come.  So, here's some of the things you have to look forward to!

First, I am working on getting in touch with churches, ministries, youth groups, maybe even schools (who knows?) in the area that would be willing to talk to me about all of this.  Pretty much, if someone will listen, I'm talking to them.  Why?  Because.  I like to talk.  No, just kidding.  I mean, I do, but that's not why.  The real reason is that I'm working on developing a program that will meet regularly (hopefully quarterly to begin with...maybe...possibly...who knows?) to discuss these topics.  These meetings will have the same purpose as the blog - to develop and foster safe, non-threatening environments to discuss orientation and faith.  And be friends with each other.  No tomato throwing allowed.  Kumbaya singing is welcomed.  And yes, I did just google how to spell kumbaya.  Don't hate the speller hate the word.  Or something like that.  Word hating = allowed.  People hating = not allowed.  Anyhow, stay posted!  I will be letting you all in on details as they unfold!

Secondly, the purpose of this blog is not just so you can read my words but so that you can hear each others hearts and get to know each other.  So, I'm selecting (and will continue to select) some of my favorite people to share their stories, perspective, etc. with you.  The people I've chosen have truly touching stories.  We don't all agree about religion or politics or what the Bible says about homosexuality.  But we all like each other, no matter what.  I like people who like me no matter what.  They're good to keep around on days when I am a pretty terrible person.

Lastly, I want you all to have resources galore!  Some of you straight Christians out there don't have a clue where to begin (holla!)  I have been in your shoes and I am still learning ridiculous amounts all the time.  Also, some of you in the LGBT community are lost when it comes to figuring out why Christians think/do/believe what they do.  Others of you are still trying to make sense of your faith and your orientation and could use some help figuring things out.  So, I figured I'd try to help you learn what I'm learning.  That way, you can learn too.  You might not have time to read thousands of pages of research on the topic, but there isn't any reason why you shouldn't be able to steal from the reading I've done.  And will do.  Oh man, there is so much reading to do!  If you haven't noticed already, I put this handy dandy little widget thingie off to the side of my blog...right....over.....there! =======================================>

So yeah, those are all books I am currently reading.  Doesn't necessarily mean I recommend them as in, "yeah, this book has captured all that is true about the world and should be worshiped and adored" but they all have at least something valuable to say to the issues.  And some of them have a lot of valuable things to say!  I'll probably feature some of them from time to time and tell you the good stuff and bad stuff about them.  And if you feel so led to buy them, just please do it from the amazon link over there on the right.  Why?  Because if you do, I will get mad rich.  Just kidding.  I'll get like 2 cents.  But that 2 cents will go towards doing all the awesome stuff I'm doing with LOVE boldy RISK offense (and it's related events).

Mkay, well, I'd say that brings you all sufficiently up to speed.  Is everyone excited now?  Because you should be!  Lots of fun, informative, stretching, exciting, contemplative, discovery-type experiences to come!

LOVE boldly.  RISK offense.  PEACE out.  :)

It's my 27th birthday today and I want 27 things.  I am not above exploiting my birthday to get it.  :)  So, what 27 things do I want, you ask?  I want 27 comments on this post: Why Gays Deserve An Apology From Christians.

Read it.  And then respond.  Just in case you're not sure what to say, I'll give you some sample ideas.

• I apologize on behalf of (insert any subculture group here that you belong to - religion, race, age, etc.) for how we have collectively treated the LGBT community.  It is wrong and I want to be a part of changing it.
  
• God loves gays and so do I!
  
• There is no excuse for hateful messages like the one from Clint McCance and I want everyone to know it!
  
• I'm sorry for the hateful messages our culture has spoken to the LGBT community.  I pledge to be part of the solution!

So try one of those, or any variation you choose.  Or something totally new and original!  The possibilities are endless.  27 comments people!  Please help, it will only take 5 minutes.  The best gift I could ever get on my birthday is knowing there are people standing with me.  To hear the words of affirmation you can speak to one another would totally bless my socks off.  It's my birthday.  Let's celebrate by standing together!!!  Who's going to be the first?

I want to get a little personal with you this evening.  This blog is all about learning to love one another and that's something I've been really grappling with recently.  I realized tonight just how raw I am feeling.  For the past week or two (let's be honest - it's been two) I've been on the brink of tears constantly.  And it's because I have been experiencing a love that is truly uncommon and painfully absent in this world.

I'm not talking about a romantic love but rather, something far deeper.  The kind of love that is undeserved, uncalled for, unnecessary, and wholly uncommon.  The kind where someone who owes you nothing humbles themself to serve you.  The kind where someone takes time to care about you when they stand little to gain.  The kind that breaks open your past pain (no matter how badly you don't want it to) and lets all the ache pour out and it pours, pours, pours in the healing.

That's the hard part.  The healing.  The opening up the past times when people haven't loved you like they should.  The delving into and remembering the ones that have mistreated you, taken advantage of you, manipulated and lied to you, turned their back to you when you needed someone the most.  Or maybe worse - the ones who have blamed you and made you ashamed for being you.

The past several years have been full of pain like that for me.  For the first time in my life, I understand just a little bit why wounded people inflict unspeakable pain on the ones that love them the best and the most.  Sometimes there are people in our lives that are so good, and so healing, that it hurts to be around them.  All you want to do is run for cover because you feels so open and vulnerable and aware of how everything before this kind of love was so...subpar.

Healing hurts.  It is terrifying.  It will make you want to cry all freakin' day long!  But it is good.

I wonder.  Do I love like that?  It's really the way God loves us.  His love is the kind that is undeserved, uncalled for, unnecessary, and wholly uncommon.  The kind where He doesn't owe us anything but he humbled himself to serve us.  The kind where he takes time to care about us when he really stands little to gain.  The kind that breaks open our past pain and lets all the ache pour out and then pours, pours, pours in the healing.

Especially that part about healing.  Especially that.


I've been challenging you all a lot, and I promise, I'll let up and be happy and carefree and not all super serious one of these days.  But there's just one more challenge I have to issue now.

Love like that.

Don't run for cover when you feel open, and vulnerable, and raw.  Open your heart.  Love Boldly.  And Be Loved Boldy.

I read something that was completely heartbreaking today.  Before you continue, read it for yourself.  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/27/clint-mccance-anti-gay-facebook_n_774656.html 

Now that you've read that, if you do nothing else, please read the last paragraph of this post and respond.  There is a call to action that is vitally important.

What is my response?  Words fail me.  There is a part of me that wants to go into a novel length tirade about this.  But mostly, I just want to cry.  And hug some people I love.  And tell them not to listen to voices like this.  I read something tonight that seemed to apply so perfectly to this very sad article.  It's from an amazing workbook of a small group I used to attend.  It said "Judgments put people in a place where you don't have to trust them, and thus they can't hurt you...grace is when you see, and have a relationship with others' hearts..." (meaning that even if you disagree with their actions, you give grace and love rather than judgement). 

While we could easily take this inspirational and encouraging quote and apply it to the person who spoke these hateful things, ranting about how judgemental he is being, I somehow think that would make us just a little bit like him.  That's the uglyness of when people sin against us - it brings out the sin inside of us.  So I'd rather not sit around and badmouth him, though it would be painfully easy to do that.  Sadly, I suspect that anyone who can speak such hateful things is more than likely a victim to their own pain.

Instead, I want to say, "I'm Sorry."  I am so sorry!  (I wish you could see me right now as the tears are welling up in my eyes, so you would know my sincerity).  To my gay friends reading this right now, and to all of you in the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi, transgender) community who may or may not know me, I am deeply, truly, painfully sorry for the way that the Church and the way that "God's people" have treated you.  I am so regretful for the picture that is being painted to you.  That is not the Jesus I know.  That is not the God I serve.  On behalf of Christians everywhere, I apologize for the pain that people like this have caused you.  It is wrong.  It is wrong.  It is wrong.  And I am so sorry.

Please forgive us.  Please give us a chance to show you a God who loves you, if you have not met him yet.  He is real.

Psalm 103:6,8
The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.  The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.


Christians, especially straight Christians, I call on you now to speak words of life, love and encouragement to our brothers and sisters in the LGBT community.  Too often they hear voices like the one in that article.  Will you please join with me today in testifying that the God we serve is not full of hate, but full of love?  This community needs to hear that there are voices of God's people around them who love and care.  Let's make sure that voices like Clint McCance are not the only ones they remember.  Much love to you all!  Much, much, much love...deep and everlasting!

If there's one thing I've learned over the past three years it has been the value of embracing the moments I am offended, the moments when I am pushed beyond my comfort zone, when I am completely out of my element. Those have been the defining moments. It's during these times spent in overwhelmingly uncomfortable situations when our fight or flight kicks in. This is sort of funny when you think about it, that we fight for survival in non-life threatening situations. We are so afraid that someone or something will take away from us the thing that we can't bear to lose - the safety of our beliefs, our rights, our worldview. So we fight. We fight for our viewpoint, we fight for our beliefs, we fight for our politics, and somewhere in the middle of it all, we start fighting each other. Or, we run. We dig our heads in the sand, cover our ears, pretend we don't see the pain around us and close our minds. And somewhere in the mix, we close our hearts as well.

This hurts me. This hurts you. This hurts us. This hurts God.

So I propose a different response. What if, instead of fighting or flighting, we stood still for a moment and embraced the tension of our disagreement? What if in these moments we put our hands over our mouths and took time to listen to those who think and believe differently than we might? Might we learn from it? Might we grow? Might we love more? Might we love better? If only, if only, we would seek to listen first.

This is the vision for this blog. I believe there needs to be a place for us to love boldly, and to risk that we might be offended in the process. The result will be growth - internally, in our relationships with others, and in our ability to love.

Let's talk. Let's listen to each other. About homosexuality. About faith. About our stories. About our pain. About our love for God.

Let's pursue. Let's chase after the things that will open our hearts to one another. Education. Growth. Community. Love. Change.

I make you only one promise:

I will offend you. It's inevitable in such an emotionally charged debate. My hope is to show love. My hope is to be fair. My hope is to push you towards truth. My hope is you will live with me in the tension of our disagreements. My hope is that we can believe in each others' hearts. My hope is that we can give each other grace.

This is a community of love and support, a forum for showing God's love (when so often we, as a Church, have failed to do that), a safe place to discuss spirituality and sexual orientation, and a forum for sharing our stories with one another.

For now, let's look forward to loving one another in a new way - the way God intended. I would be honored by your presence with me on this journey. Will you join me?