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Friday, January 20, 2012

A Piece About Ordination

Today I had the privilege of speaking to a class of seminary students preparing for ordination.  I'm not really sure how to put into words what this experience was like except to say that it was an honor.  I am thrilled that there are professors who feel that this particular issue is important enough that they would set aside an hour of their class for me to share.  I planned about 20 minutes worth of material and then fielded questions for about 45 minutes.  I loved every minute of it.  The conversation that happened today was precisely the kind that I've been envisioning for months.  The students were interested.  They asked difficult questions.  We wrestled with complicated scenarios together.  And, most of all, a lot of interest was expressed in learning how to deal faithfully and compassionately with the LGBT community.  More conversations like this need to happen.  I hope the students gained as much from our time together as I did.

Not surprisingly, especially given the content of the class (required for United Methodist ordination), several questions were asked about ordination of LGBT clergy.  Some of these questions were harder to field than others and I want to re-iterate something I stated during the presentation.

There are faithful Christians who believe that monogamous same-sex relationships are not sinful.  There are also faithful Christians who believe that any same-sex relationship is sinful.  I won't weigh in on this.  But one thing I will weigh in on - No church should ever deny a celibate Christian from seeking ordination, even if he/she happens to be attracted to members of the same sex.  Denying someone ordination, or any level of full involvement in the church merely because of which sex he/she is attracted to is completely, utterly wrong because it has no basis in Scriptural truth.  Attraction is not a sin, and it has never been described as such in Scripture.

What does your church denomination believe?  Do you know?  What do you think about ordination of our LGBT brothers and sisters?  LGBT friends, weigh in as well.  I want this audience to hear your thoughts, feelings, frustrations, and hurts regarding this particular topic.  Let's talk!
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Monday, January 2, 2012

Resources Galore!


I've been wanting to post this list for some time and I think the beginning of the New Year is the perfect time.  Many of you have contacted me with stories of a friend or family member in your life who is part of the LGBT community and you're reading this blog because you have a lot of questions.  You may be wondering how to relate, what to say, how not to offend, or how to understand what your friend or loved one is experiencing, feeling, or thinking.  Some of you may even be in pastoral care and are feeling ill-equipped and under-educated.

What better way to love and honor an LGBT (or questioning) person in your life than to make your New Year's resolution a commitment to seeking truth, insight, and kindness towards your friend or loved one?

This is not an exhaustive list by any means, but it's a good starting place for those of you who want a variety of perspectives, and some helpful information, on what's really going on for LGBT folk.  The resources listed here contains various perspectives on homosexuality and are labeled as such.  All are helpful resources for education.  Some are religious in nature, some not so much.  I don't endorse any one perspective - I just provide a variety of perspectives for your benefit, and hopefully, some balance.

There is one stipulation to using this list.  You must agree to read ones you think you'll disagree with.  :)

I've given headings and hyperlinks to each resource to help you find what you're most looking for.  If you have a particular need, or a particular area of interest, and need some help knowing where to start, COMMENT ME PLEASE!  This is why I'm doing this - I want to help you to be better friends, parents, brothers, sisters, pastoral care givers, and loved ones to those people in your life who just happen to experience unwanted same-sex attraction, or who happily identify themselves as a member of the LGBT community.  I love questions.  If any of these resources piques your interest and you want more info, COMMENT ME.  I have a storehouse of more detailed resources that could help, but these are at least a good starting place for a variety of information, particularly on LGB issues (I'm still working on my T resources).  Also, if you have any more resources to share, feel free to leave them in comments.

Enjoy!

For First Time Traditional Christian Readers/Researchers on the Topic:

  • If I Told You - Vol 1 (2007) and Vol. 2 (2010) - real and honest stories from those experiencing same-sex attraction in a conservative Christian college environment (2007)
  • Through My Eyes DVD - stories from LGBT Christians describing their relationship with God and the process of struggle in reconciling their faith and sexual orientation
  • Love is an Orientation: Andrew Marin - After three of his best friends (all Christians) came out to him within three months, Marin had to wrestle with difficult questions regarding sexual identity and Christianity.  In this book, he shares about his bridge-building ministry between the LGBT community and the Church, his incarnational presence in the largest gay neighborhood in the country, and he addresses tension-filled questions with grace and new insight
  • Washed and Waiting: Wesley Hill - As a celibate gay Christian, Hill provides a glimpse of what it looks like to wrestle firsthand with God's 'No' to same-sex relationships. What does it mean for gay Christians to live faithful to God while struggling with the challenge of their homosexuality? What is God's will for believers who experience same-sex desires?  This book gives good perspective on the struggles that celibate gay Christians have, and pushes the audience to consider how the Church ought to respond.
  • GCN - The Great Debate - two articles that present differing perspectives.  Side A - God blesses monogamous same-sex relationships and Side B - God does not bless same-sex sexual relationships.  Both articles present the popular arguments and respond to the Scriptures that mention homosexuality.  Read both articles.
  • Blogs
    • Love Is An Orientation - blog for the Marin Foundation, an organization dedicated to building bridges between the LGBT and evangelical Christian communities
    • Bridging The Gap - blog for New Direction Ministries, a Canada based organization whose mission is to nurture safe and spacious places for those outside the heterosexual main-stream to explore and grow in faith in Jesus Christ.
    • This Blog - Specifically, see these pivotal posts, if you haven't already:
LGBT Resources - Created For/By Christians (Varying Perspectives):

  • The Marin Foundation - Bridge-building organization (works between the church and the LGBT community); website contains a fantastic list of resources and articles
  • Institute for the Study of Sexual Identity - Research based institute at Regent University that addresses the challenges and difficulties for those facing the hard work of reconciling their faith and sexual orientation from a psychological perspective
  • Exodus International - Umbrella organization that provides a list of organizations and resources for those experiencing unwanted same-sex attraction; includes support groups, reparitive/conversion therapy, etc.  (Note - some, myself included, believe this type of approach can, at least at times, be harmful - see Gay Lingo 101 - Part 2: First item on the list)
  • New Direction - Canada based organization whose mission is to nurture safe and spacious places for those outside the heterosexual main-stream to explore and grow in faith in Jesus Christ.
  • Gay Christian Network - a nonprofit ministry supporting Christians worldwide who happen to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT); provides an online chat/support community, podcasts on LGBT/Christian topics, annual conference, and open, safe discussions on how to honor God with homosexual orientation (monogomous relationships vs. celibacy)
  • Evangelicals Concerned - works to provide safe and comfortable places for men and women to reconcile their Christian faith with their sexuality; offers a mentorship program for Christians in the LGBT community
LGBT Advocacy/Awareness/Support Organizations:

  • Give A Damn Campaign - Advocacy and support for LGBT community
  • GLSEN (pronounced Glisten) - Advocacy and support for LGBT; initiatives include the very popular Day of Silence and GSA's (Gay/Straight Alliances) in schools to provide support for youth combating bullying
  • GLAAD - Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation
  • The Trevor Project - Works towards prevention of LGBT teenage suicides; originators of the "It Gets Better Campaign"
  • PFLAG - Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays; support and advocacy group
  • The Advocate - national gay and lesbian newsmagazine
  • Human Rights Campaign - organization working for LGBT Equal Rights
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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

My Story (Good, Bad, and Ugly)

Sometimes I cry in movies. Tonight I saw “The Help”.  I didn’t cry.  I sat in that movie theater and I sobbed, the tears rolling quietly down my cheeks, in a nearly empty theater, thankful for the dark that enshrouded me.  It wasn’t the characters or the storytelling.  It was so much more.  And it's time to tell my story.

My husband left me exactly 7 months ago today.  He told me by text message that he was moving out one day while I was at work.  There was no goodbye.  There was just me, falling to the floor of an empty seminary office, digging my fingers into the carpet to try to grasp onto something that wouldn’t move.  There was just me wondering where the tears were coming from when I couldn’t even feel myself crying.  My whole world fell apart.  One day you’re moving along as if everything is okay, the next, your legs go out from under you.  You become unusually acquainted with the floor – the floor of your bedroom, your bathroom, your living room, your kitchen, the laundry room, your closet, your shower, your office.  The agony keeps pushing down so heavily on you that you just keep ending up at the lowest place in the room. You spend so much time just trying to pick yourself up off of it.

Suddenly, tying your shoes feels overwhelming.  You can’t stand, you can’t eat, you can’t get out of bed, you can’t write, you can’t think, you can’t see straight.  All you can feel is shock.  And numb. You look at your friends blankly, as if they’ve lost their minds when they want to know how you feel. “Am I supposed to feel something?  How can I feel something?  I can’t think or breathe or even get dressed in the morning. I’m supposed to feel something and I can’t…what’s wrong with me???!!!”  Everything is wrong. 

And damn, when the numb wears off, DAMN. All you can feel is crushing, overwhelming agony.  You stare blankly at your computer screen at work.  You try to care about something, anything, but you don’t. Waterproof mascara?  Total bullshit.  You wonder why you bother to even put it on when it all ends up in puddles you’ve soaked up with carefully dabbed tissues.  You dab with the tissues at your tears so that your makeup doesn’t run.  You don’t want everyone at work to think you’ve lost your mind after your third breakdown that day.  But you have.  And you’ve lost everything else too.  You’ve lost things like trust, dignity, respect, promises, hopes and dreams, and most of all, the person you’ve built everything around.  Every morning you wake up and your first thought is “12 more hours until I can go to sleep and be unconscious again.”  The pain is unbearable.  Sleep is no better.  When it finally comes, you dream that your waking hours are the dream and that your dreams are your reality, where things are normal and make sense again, where you turn over in the middle of the night and your husband is still next to you, where you come home at the end of the day and he is there.  Waking is disappointing.

My husband left.  And I didn’t pick up a pen to write for a long time.  All inspiration was gone.

Why am I telling you this?  What would possess me to share with such vulnerability, the journey I've been on these last months?  I'll tell you.  Many of you have felt these same things.  Many of you need to know that you're not alone in your pain, that someone else has been there, done that, experienced something akin to the hell you're in, and is day by day, making it out alive.  If my story can make one person feel less alone, it's worth sharing.

I know what it feels like to lose faith in something you’ve built your life around.  I know what it’s like to feel helpless to change a situation so you will no longer be rejected.  I know what it’s like to be discarded and betrayed by someone who was supposed to always have your back.  I know what it’s like to be afraid to trust again.  Sometimes I wonder how all the pieces will come back together again.  Sometimes?  Always.  Always I wonder that.

Some of you have lost all your hope and faith in the church, maybe in God, or at least in certain people, because of how you’ve been treated.  You’ve lost all the trust you ever had in an institution (the church) that was supposed to be a place of haven through the hard times.  You feel rejected over something you can’t change, hard as you try.  You’ve been cast aside by the people who were supposed to love you the most – your families, your moms and dads and grandparents, your friends, your churches.  You’re afraid to trust that a Christian will ever really look out for your best again.

I haven’t walked a mile in your shoes – I don’t know what it’s like.  But I can imagine, more so now than ever, the pain that you feel.  It’s not fair.  When you’ve done nothing to deserve the hardship, confusion, pain, and rejection, it’s not fair.  When you pour out your life in service to another, or in service to God, and your reward is to be discarded and rejected, it’s not fair.  You may wonder if you will ever again feel at peace with yourself and with the world around you.  You may wonder if you will survive.  You may wonder why the hell you have to go through this.  You may wonder where God has gone.  And you may not find many good answers – or at least, none that will satisfy the depth of pain that causes you to ask the questions in the first place.

I went to the movie theater tonight because I made myself a promise several months ago.  I promised to go see a movie by myself.  It’s one of those things you do, I suppose, when you want to know you can be alone and still be okay.  I think I’m doing pretty well with being both – alone and okay.  This is entirely thanks to the massive outpouring of love and healing that God has overwhelmed me with these past months.  I have nothing but praise for Him on my lips.  He is good.  And for tonight, at least, I had a victory.  Little victories like the one I had tonight stay with you forever when you’re fighting a war as big as the one I’m fighting.  They pull you through the shittiest of days.  In the meantime though, you might find yourself crying your eyes out in the middle of an empty movie theater. 

Suddenly, all the pain in the world feels so real and close and understandable and tangible to me.  It’s not about what I’m going through – it’s an understanding that SO MANY are going through the same awful shit.  I sat in that movie theater and cried because I heard the stories of my LGBT friends at every turn in the accounts of abuse, mistreatment, disdain, and disgust from those of us who think we know the “Christian” way to help, or instruct, or lead the “lesser” among us.  I cried because I want to be like that main character. She didn’t have time to worry about what she stood to lose - she was singularly driven by what others stood to gain.  She was focused on what was important – giving voice to those who had been abused, silenced, and mistreated. She knew that, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters to someone who is in agony is whether or not you’ll hold their hand through it, and fight their battles for and with them.

I am so thankful for those who have held my hand through it, and fought my battles for and with me.  I owe my life to those people.  There’s no way to repay that.  The only thing I know to do is to be that level of “good” to those around me.  I want to take every risk necessary to tell people’s stories.  Big things can happen when we listen to each other’s hearts for the first time and realize together that neither of us knows what the shit to do to make it better.  In those moments at least, we know that we’re not in it alone.  Being helpless is a sacred thing.  When we realize that we have reached the end of ourselves and we still don’t have an answer, we turn to the only One is big enough to solve the dilemma. He’s the one that gives me hope and strength on the worst days.

My pastor preaches with stunning conviction, strength, truth, and grace every Sunday. I was undone this week by his words.  “Out of your shattered life can come more than you ever expected, because it doesn’t depend on you.  God will not allow defeat to occur, if you are willing to fall down before Him.  Life will come forth, not because you can call it forth, but because He can, and will.  And he will yield in you the greatest fruit your life has ever seen.”

God redeems all things.  He turns the wounded into the healers. It is out of Christ’s woundedness, suffering, and brokenness that we have a God who both empathizes with our broken condition, and has simultaneously redeemed it. His wounds provided for our healing. His suffering provided for our comfort. His death provided for our life. As an act of obedience, I am compelled to turn my own wounds, sufferings, and death into healing, comfort, and life for my brothers and sisters in the same way that Christ turned His into such a means of redemption for us. God’s Kingdom is one in which destruction itself becomes the foundation from which Christ builds His salvation.  I’ve got plenty of destruction to work with.  I’m glad that He is big enough and good enough to turn it into overflowing redemption.  

I'm doing okay these days.  I'm happy.  I've got a lot to work through still, but I am full of hope.  And God is closer than ever.  I am still confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  He is good.  He is faithful.  He restores all things.  May He redeem my broken story, and yours.  I believe He can, and He will. 

Peace to you all, in your brokenness and His redemption, and much love, deep and everlasting.
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