Sunday, April 8, 2012
Defeating Agendas Seminar
Starting Tuesday April 17th – A four part series for pastoral care givers and laypersons in traditional evangelical churches who want to build/sustain faithful relationships with the gay and lesbian community. Free transportation will be provided to students living in Wilmore, KY (contact loveboldlynow@gmail.com to reserve your spot). Hope you can join us!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Open Letter to Kirk Cameron: Think About Compassion
If you have not read the introduction to this piece, do so here, then come back:
Piers vs. Kirk - Why They're Both Wrong
Dear Kirk,
Piers vs. Kirk - Why They're Both Wrong
Dear Kirk,
You had roughly two minutes to tackle some of the most emotionally, spiritually, politically and culturally charged topics of our time and, as an evangelical conservative Christian, it’s near impossible to knock it out of the park unless you’ve spent a stunning amount of time thinking about it. You really do seem sincere. You aren’t attacking or intentionally rude in this interview. In fact, quite the opposite. You seem to be very well aware of the minefield you are walking and with that knowledge, you seem reticent to offend yet still steadfast in your beliefs.
No matter what you had said in those two minutes, you’d be blasted by someone. In fact, at this very moment, I’m sure you are already being blasted on all sides. So let me be one who says, “job well done” for attempting to bravely engage an aggressive disagreement.” You took on a hard question, and you did it with boldness. I can respect how incredibly awkward it must have been to be put on the spot, knowing that you were instantly in the cross-hairs of every single Christian and every single LGBT(QQIA) person watching. How incredibly intimidating.
No matter what you had said in those two minutes, you’d be blasted by someone. In fact, at this very moment, I’m sure you are already being blasted on all sides. So let me be one who says, “job well done” for attempting to bravely engage an aggressive disagreement.” You took on a hard question, and you did it with boldness. I can respect how incredibly awkward it must have been to be put on the spot, knowing that you were instantly in the cross-hairs of every single Christian and every single LGBT(QQIA) person watching. How incredibly intimidating.
The next thing I’ll say to you is less affirming though and I won’t beat around the bush. Some of the things you said deserve to get blasted. You were wrong, flat out wrong, about some of it, and the way you framed some of your argument was particularly offensive. My intent here isn’t to cut you down to size and I don’t sense any bad intent on your part. All in all, this is a conversation I’d love to have with you over a cup of coffee, because I sense you actually are a well-intentioned man of God. But let’s face it – you’re a celebrity, so this forum will have to do. From your body language, as well as your tone of voice, it seems as if your attempt was to deal as respectfully and kindly as you could while not budging an inch on topics about which you feel convinced. I would like to unpack a few things you said however, because I wonder if you really understand what you were implying at times.
Kirk, if your goal was to make a stand against gay marriage, you achieved it. But if your goal was to engage the question faithfully (both as a Christian, and as someone who is considering the social and political issues involved), I think you missed the mark. Here are some of the things you said, and my response.
- God created marriage to be between one man and one woman – shown by Adam and Eve in the garden at the beginning of time. I won’t dispute your position because it is yours to hold, but I will dispute your reasoning. Though I think you seem well intentioned, your arguments about why marriage should be between one man and one woman do not show an adequate thoughtfulness to the matter. God did make one man and one woman and place them in the garden. When he put them together, he did say that it was good. But this narrative alone does not give an adequate defense for what God thinks about same-sex relationships. In fact, it does not even address same-sex relationships. If you want to make a Christian argument which asserts that same-sex relationships are sinful, you have to provide a much more thoughtful answer, rooted in the whole of Scripture and what it tells us about the nature of God and the nature of man in particular. God’s word is important to me, as it seems to be to you. Using one passage alone minimizes what Scripture as a whole tells us about the nature of God, and what he may think about homosexuality.
- Homosexuality is unnatural. First, what does “unnatural” mean? Does it mean uncommon? That’s true - it is somewhat uncommon, in the sense that it is the minority of people who experience and/or act on same-sex attraction (somewhere between 3-6% most likely). This argument does not, however, delegitimize, in any sense, the dignity or legal rights owed to those who experience or engage any type of “unnaturalness”. There are plenty of things, both moral and amoral, that could be characterized as “unnatural” in the sense that they are either uncommon or not preferable morally (moral example – some instances of divorce, amoral example – disabilities). You’ll note, however, that we don’t legislate against these things for reasons of them being “unnatural.” This is wise, because “unnaturalness” should not be made to become the standard for a legal code. Otherwise, minorities of all sorts would suffer and instead of having a legal code, we’d only have a moral code. There are also plenty of things that we could call “unnatural” that don’t make them morally lesser (because they are amoral). For instance, being double-jointed is definitely an “unnatural” thing (in the sense that it’s uncommon). This doesn’t mean that people with double-joints should hide them, be ashamed of them, or be excluded from say, sports, just because there’s something “unnatural” about the way their fingers bend. The bigger question here is, even if you hold that homosexual relationships are morally lesser, does that mean they should be legislated against? Not necessarily. There are plenty of Christians that hold moral values that they wouldn’t legislate. Finally, if what you mean when you say “uncommon” is that it makes you feel uncomfortable, then you should probably move past it. We’re always going to feel uncomfortable with things we’re not well acquainted with, but it doesn’t mean the problem is with the “other”. It means the problem is with us. I could go on with this point, but I’ll stop here – unless you actually want to take me up on that offer to buy you a cup of coffee and have a real conversation about it
- Homosexuality is detrimental. I honestly can’t respond to this one because it’s too vague. How is it detrimental? To whom? Do you mean to society at large? To a person specifically? To you personally? I’d like to hear more about why you made this remark specifically because without knowing, I can’t determine how to respond. This makes me sad, to be honest, because it feels like a sweeping generality that only serves as a condemnation of people I love. Sexual attraction is never detrimental. Sexual sin is detrimental (this includes lust). What you said though, is that “homosexuality is detrimental” which makes no more sense than if you had said “heterosexuality is detrimental.” If I choose to sexually sin, that is detrimental – to me, to the person I’ve sinned with/against, to my relationship with God, and maybe (it could even be argued) to society as a whole. But behavior and attraction are two different things. Some would argue that homosexual sexual acts are detrimental (to self, others, and God). Others would say they are not. In my opinion, we can disagree about this, but we can’t say that sexual attraction, in and of itself, is detrimental. That’s not Biblical in the least.
- Homosexuality is destructive to some of the foundations of civilization. Years ago, I actually made a statement very similar to yours to one of my good friends who was gay. He looked at me like I was an idiot, and it’s because I was. If you can make an argument for how exactly someone experiencing attraction to a member of their own sex destroys the foundations of civilization, I would love to hear it. I’ve yet to hear one that actually makes any sense. You could make a moral argument here that embracing a traditionally orthodox understanding of the Biblical sexual ethic (i.e., that God mandates sexual acts to be engaged only within the bounds of heterosexual, monogamous marriage) is the best choice for society at large. Some people, even Christians, would disagree with you and point to other evidence to support a different perspective. However, your statement sounds much more like an assertion that being gay or, more crassly, having gay sex, will weaken the strength of our social and political system. That just doesn’t make sense.
Lastly Kirk, I wonder if you might consider something for the future. I’d appeal to you to take stock of how hurtful it is to call someone “unnatural”, or to say that who they are (or at very least, who they experience themselves to be), is destroying civilization. It’s mean. It’s dehumanizing. There’s no two ways about it. Could you ever imagine looking at someone you love, perhaps your wife, or your child, and saying “You are unnatural.” Even if you are right (in the sense that what they experience is uncommon), even if it’s true, it’s not helpful or productive. It certainly isn’t loving. Words matter, and they matter deeply to my LGBT brothers and sisters who have been abused in the name of Christ for decades. Please be sensitive to that.
I will say, your best argument came towards the end of the interview when you mentioned the moral framework within which we each operate. You called into question how any one of us actually determine what is moral in the first place. This was the beginning of a very good dialogue which was blithely ignored by Piers (perhaps merely due to the time constraints of the interview but, nevertheless, it was dismissed and it shouldn’t have been). It recalled for me, in fact, some compelling arguments that C.S. Lewis has made in Mere Christianity, regarding our sense of “right” and “wrong” pointing us to the one who has created such a moral compass within us. You were beginning to make a good point with a solid apologetics backing from one of the best Christian minds out there.
Finally Kirk, you should know, many of my LGBT friends have already written you off as stupid, ignorant, or morally depraved, just because of the tone you took in this conversation. I wish they hadn’t. It’s their fault if they write you off, but it’s also yours. As a Christian, you did what you should have, voicing your convictions with boldness and courage. But you should have done more, because Christians are called to more. Jesus says that the world will know we are Christians by our love.
Love cannot exist with conviction and boldness and courage. But neither can conviction, boldness, or courage exist without love. I wonder what could have happened if you had dropped your agenda to make a political or religious statement, and replaced it with true compassion for those who have been mistreated in the LGBT community, and a greater understanding of what you were saying. Maybe some of our LGBT brothers and sisters would be able to drop their defenses as well, and maybe we’d all be able to deal more compassionately, faithfully, and productively with one another. Maybe my LGBT friends could understand, believe, and feel (some of them for the first time in their lives) that God truly loves them. Maybe gay teenagers would stop taking their lives because of the ways they get bullied and abused and treated as less than God’s favorite. Maybe some hearts and lives would be transformed by God’s saving and sanctifying grace if we stood for people’s hearts and lives instead of dehumanizing them with poor theology and irrational judgment based on our own sense of discomfort. Maybe it could happen, in time. I’m just naive enough and optimistic enough to believe it’s possible.
Love cannot exist with conviction and boldness and courage. But neither can conviction, boldness, or courage exist without love. I wonder what could have happened if you had dropped your agenda to make a political or religious statement, and replaced it with true compassion for those who have been mistreated in the LGBT community, and a greater understanding of what you were saying. Maybe some of our LGBT brothers and sisters would be able to drop their defenses as well, and maybe we’d all be able to deal more compassionately, faithfully, and productively with one another. Maybe my LGBT friends could understand, believe, and feel (some of them for the first time in their lives) that God truly loves them. Maybe gay teenagers would stop taking their lives because of the ways they get bullied and abused and treated as less than God’s favorite. Maybe some hearts and lives would be transformed by God’s saving and sanctifying grace if we stood for people’s hearts and lives instead of dehumanizing them with poor theology and irrational judgment based on our own sense of discomfort. Maybe it could happen, in time. I’m just naive enough and optimistic enough to believe it’s possible.
I want to thank you for speaking passionately about the God I love and expressing with conviction that he calls us into lives of holiness that reflect Him. In the same breath, I’ll say this: Don’t make the LGBTQQIA community engage their fight or flight in these conversations. Help them to feel your love and care, listening to their concerns and fears, speaking their language, and holding out the truth of God’s love in the midst of all the tension. That’s when great things will happen. I hope you’ll be a part of it.
(Now that you've read my response to Kirk, click here if you'd like to read my response to Piers).
(Now that you've read my response to Kirk, click here if you'd like to read my response to Piers).
Open Letter to Piers Morgan: Think About Utility
If you have not read the introduction to this piece, do so here, then come back:
Piers vs. Kirk - Why They're Both Wrong
Piers,
You ask good questions. You usually do. As a rule you are witty, sarcastic and straightforward and I can get behind that. There are times when you become a bit aggressive, which I’m sure you realize, but I think you held it fairly at bay during this interview. Every good reporter has to have your level of gumption or else we’d never get the real story from people. Ruffling feathers in instances is necessary. If the intent of the interview was to “get the story” so to speak from Kirk, job well done. I believe you achieved your end goal. However, if the goal was to challenge the broader conservative Christian moral stand on this issue, I think you’ve likely failed miserably.
You made Kirk your opponent. You challenged him in a way that automatically made his perspective lesser. You may well believe it is lesser. I may too, for that matter. But you imposed your own thoughts and beliefs rather than hearing him in a way that you could challenge him according to his own value system. Kirk’s response to your challenge shows he is clearly feeling threatened by your questions. This is clear in various ways, but especially through his body language and tone of voice. Some would say he felt threatened simply by the question itself. This is probably true, but your approach worsened the threat. Fight or flight easily engages in these situations, and particularly on this topic. Opponents often flee the questions (as Christine O’Donnell recently did with you when she walked off the set), or they will fight back. Both responses achieve very little in the long run, except to make the topic all the more divisive.
I wonder what would have happened if you would have dropped the arms and after posing the questions in the way you did (non-threatening and inquisitive) followed by thoughtfully pointing out the holes in Kirk’s reasoning without becoming engaged through the lens of your own values. This is difficult to do, and perhaps even too much to ask given 1) the public arena this conversation was had in and 2) the brevity of the conversation. So, I’ll be glad to point out the holes in Kirk’s reasoning, since you did not either have the time or presence of mind to do so in the moment. However, I will say that when you start trying to shoulder conservative Christians with your own value ideals, morality, etc. they’re going to stop listening almost immediately. And I’m afraid that’s what happened not just with Kirk, but also with most of the conservative Christians who were watching. What ends up happening is that you defeat the very thing that is (at least seemingly) important to you in this conversation – to change a person’s mind.
If you could only have dialed the aggressiveness back a notch, both the LGBT and the conservative Christian community could have gained something truly spectacular from this 2.5 minute portion of your interview.
I’m sure you know this already, but most Christians aren’t listening to or caring about the LGBT community. Neither is the LGBT community listening to or caring about the conservative Christians around them. No doubt, most of my conservative Christian friends are writing off your questions and concerns as part of the “gay agenda.” while my LGBT friends are writing off Kirk’s comments as crazy Christian propaganda.
Your questions were thoughtful and insightful though and, I have no doubt, spurred out of personally seeing the destruction that results from bigotry. Some of my Christian friends would actually have been challenged by your thoughtful questions had you asked them without your usual smirking, know-it-all attitude. (It’s endearing, but sometimes you shoot yourself in the foot). You may be stunned by the number of conservative Christians who would stay open to your questions if you weren’t so damn condescending in the end.
Expressing even one ounce of concern for the position Kirk was in would have gone miles towards actually being heard. The result would be that more Christians would end up posing thoughtful questions and change could actually start to take place. As it was, you probably just stirred up more controversy (good for ratings, but bad for the utility of actually making progress towards thoughtful engagement of the issues at hand). I am so bummed that your own passion (or frustration) got in the way and you missed the opportunity to engage more productively with a conservative evangelical Christian who has a voice and influence within his faith community.
You had an opportunity to model, in your conversation with Kirk, a means of engagement that would not threaten the dignity, sincerity, and freedom of conservatively minded Christians, even in the midst of the disagreement. If others like Kirk could have seen this, they might be more open to venture towards the sort of friendship and welcome with the LGBT community that would change hearts and minds. Christians too, not just the LGBT community, need to feel like there might be enough generous spaciousness to ask the questions they really want to ask, without immediately being pegged as bigoted or stupid.
My Christian friends are afraid of being treated with disdain by the LGBT community. They’re also afraid that the rest of the Christian community will cast them off if they start asking thoughtful questions about difficult issues. As it is now, the minute a conservative Christian responds with an ounce more compassion towards the LGBT community than Kirk did, their own faith community gangs up on him/her and total character assassination occurs. Maybe my conservative Christian friends could feel safe extending welcome to the LGBT(QQIA) community around them if they thought they wouldn’t be plowed under by the very people they are seeking to understand.
Piers, it’s not right or fair, but many of my conservative Christian friends have already written you off as stupid, ignorant, or morally depraved, just because of the tone you took in this conversation. I wish they hadn’t. It’s their fault, but it’s also yours. As a reporter, you did what you should have, pushing for the hard answer and inciting controversy. But as a person who seems more broadly invested and interested in this particular “issue” (though I despise that term), you should have done more. You should have engaged in a way that could actually help you be heard by your opposers. I wonder what could happen if you dropped your defenses to engage the conversation? Maybe the doors to conservative Christian churches, the minds of society at large, and the opportunity to foster compassion, faithful engagement, and productive dialogue would open wider as a result. Who knows? Maybe it could happen, in time. I’m just naive enough and optimistic enough to believe it’s possible.
I want to thank you for going to bat for my LGBT friends who have been mistreated by conservative Christians. In the same breath, I’ll say this: Don’t make conservative Christians engage their fight or flight in these conversations. Speak their language so you can get through to them. That’s when change will happen. I hope you’re a part of it.
(Now that you've read my response to Piers, click here if you'd like to read my response to Kirk).
Piers vs. Kirk - Why They're Both Wrong
Piers,
You ask good questions. You usually do. As a rule you are witty, sarcastic and straightforward and I can get behind that. There are times when you become a bit aggressive, which I’m sure you realize, but I think you held it fairly at bay during this interview. Every good reporter has to have your level of gumption or else we’d never get the real story from people. Ruffling feathers in instances is necessary. If the intent of the interview was to “get the story” so to speak from Kirk, job well done. I believe you achieved your end goal. However, if the goal was to challenge the broader conservative Christian moral stand on this issue, I think you’ve likely failed miserably.
You made Kirk your opponent. You challenged him in a way that automatically made his perspective lesser. You may well believe it is lesser. I may too, for that matter. But you imposed your own thoughts and beliefs rather than hearing him in a way that you could challenge him according to his own value system. Kirk’s response to your challenge shows he is clearly feeling threatened by your questions. This is clear in various ways, but especially through his body language and tone of voice. Some would say he felt threatened simply by the question itself. This is probably true, but your approach worsened the threat. Fight or flight easily engages in these situations, and particularly on this topic. Opponents often flee the questions (as Christine O’Donnell recently did with you when she walked off the set), or they will fight back. Both responses achieve very little in the long run, except to make the topic all the more divisive.
I wonder what would have happened if you would have dropped the arms and after posing the questions in the way you did (non-threatening and inquisitive) followed by thoughtfully pointing out the holes in Kirk’s reasoning without becoming engaged through the lens of your own values. This is difficult to do, and perhaps even too much to ask given 1) the public arena this conversation was had in and 2) the brevity of the conversation. So, I’ll be glad to point out the holes in Kirk’s reasoning, since you did not either have the time or presence of mind to do so in the moment. However, I will say that when you start trying to shoulder conservative Christians with your own value ideals, morality, etc. they’re going to stop listening almost immediately. And I’m afraid that’s what happened not just with Kirk, but also with most of the conservative Christians who were watching. What ends up happening is that you defeat the very thing that is (at least seemingly) important to you in this conversation – to change a person’s mind.
If you could only have dialed the aggressiveness back a notch, both the LGBT and the conservative Christian community could have gained something truly spectacular from this 2.5 minute portion of your interview.
I’m sure you know this already, but most Christians aren’t listening to or caring about the LGBT community. Neither is the LGBT community listening to or caring about the conservative Christians around them. No doubt, most of my conservative Christian friends are writing off your questions and concerns as part of the “gay agenda.” while my LGBT friends are writing off Kirk’s comments as crazy Christian propaganda.
Your questions were thoughtful and insightful though and, I have no doubt, spurred out of personally seeing the destruction that results from bigotry. Some of my Christian friends would actually have been challenged by your thoughtful questions had you asked them without your usual smirking, know-it-all attitude. (It’s endearing, but sometimes you shoot yourself in the foot). You may be stunned by the number of conservative Christians who would stay open to your questions if you weren’t so damn condescending in the end.
Expressing even one ounce of concern for the position Kirk was in would have gone miles towards actually being heard. The result would be that more Christians would end up posing thoughtful questions and change could actually start to take place. As it was, you probably just stirred up more controversy (good for ratings, but bad for the utility of actually making progress towards thoughtful engagement of the issues at hand). I am so bummed that your own passion (or frustration) got in the way and you missed the opportunity to engage more productively with a conservative evangelical Christian who has a voice and influence within his faith community.
You had an opportunity to model, in your conversation with Kirk, a means of engagement that would not threaten the dignity, sincerity, and freedom of conservatively minded Christians, even in the midst of the disagreement. If others like Kirk could have seen this, they might be more open to venture towards the sort of friendship and welcome with the LGBT community that would change hearts and minds. Christians too, not just the LGBT community, need to feel like there might be enough generous spaciousness to ask the questions they really want to ask, without immediately being pegged as bigoted or stupid.
My Christian friends are afraid of being treated with disdain by the LGBT community. They’re also afraid that the rest of the Christian community will cast them off if they start asking thoughtful questions about difficult issues. As it is now, the minute a conservative Christian responds with an ounce more compassion towards the LGBT community than Kirk did, their own faith community gangs up on him/her and total character assassination occurs. Maybe my conservative Christian friends could feel safe extending welcome to the LGBT(QQIA) community around them if they thought they wouldn’t be plowed under by the very people they are seeking to understand.
Piers, it’s not right or fair, but many of my conservative Christian friends have already written you off as stupid, ignorant, or morally depraved, just because of the tone you took in this conversation. I wish they hadn’t. It’s their fault, but it’s also yours. As a reporter, you did what you should have, pushing for the hard answer and inciting controversy. But as a person who seems more broadly invested and interested in this particular “issue” (though I despise that term), you should have done more. You should have engaged in a way that could actually help you be heard by your opposers. I wonder what could happen if you dropped your defenses to engage the conversation? Maybe the doors to conservative Christian churches, the minds of society at large, and the opportunity to foster compassion, faithful engagement, and productive dialogue would open wider as a result. Who knows? Maybe it could happen, in time. I’m just naive enough and optimistic enough to believe it’s possible.
I want to thank you for going to bat for my LGBT friends who have been mistreated by conservative Christians. In the same breath, I’ll say this: Don’t make conservative Christians engage their fight or flight in these conversations. Speak their language so you can get through to them. That’s when change will happen. I hope you’re a part of it.
(Now that you've read my response to Piers, click here if you'd like to read my response to Kirk).
Piers vs. Kirk - Why They Are Both Wrong
In a CNN interview, Piers Morgan questions Kirk Cameron about Kirk’s stance on gay marriage and the morality/sinfulness of homosexuality. Watch it here: Piers vs. Kirk
Since I find it profoundly unfair to judge any person based on a two-and-a-half minute snippet of an interview, let’s not make a judgment about either person from this, but instead use it to foster non-threatening questions and dialogue. I have a couple of problems with this interview, as I do with most interviews of this nature, and I’ll address them in open letter format to both parties in the interview. If either Kirk or Piers read this and respond, I may pass out. In this case, the word “may” is defined as “definitely will occur”. Either way, I think it’s something we can learn from together. So, to both of you, Piers and Kirk, I say the following:
It’s unclear what the larger context of the conversation was that led into this discussion on the “sinfulness” of homosexuality and the appropriateness of legalizing gay marriage. Context is important so perhaps there are things that we cannot observe that occurred before and after this very short portion of the interview. That being said here are my responses to each of you.
Since I find it profoundly unfair to judge any person based on a two-and-a-half minute snippet of an interview, let’s not make a judgment about either person from this, but instead use it to foster non-threatening questions and dialogue. I have a couple of problems with this interview, as I do with most interviews of this nature, and I’ll address them in open letter format to both parties in the interview. If either Kirk or Piers read this and respond, I may pass out. In this case, the word “may” is defined as “definitely will occur”. Either way, I think it’s something we can learn from together. So, to both of you, Piers and Kirk, I say the following:
It’s unclear what the larger context of the conversation was that led into this discussion on the “sinfulness” of homosexuality and the appropriateness of legalizing gay marriage. Context is important so perhaps there are things that we cannot observe that occurred before and after this very short portion of the interview. That being said here are my responses to each of you.
Friday, January 20, 2012
A Piece About Ordination
Today I had the privilege of speaking to a class of seminary students preparing for ordination. I'm not really sure how to put into words what this experience was like except to say that it was an honor. I am thrilled that there are professors who feel that this particular issue is important enough that they would set aside an hour of their class for me to share. I planned about 20 minutes worth of material and then fielded questions for about 45 minutes. I loved every minute of it. The conversation that happened today was precisely the kind that I've been envisioning for months. The students were interested. They asked difficult questions. We wrestled with complicated scenarios together. And, most of all, a lot of interest was expressed in learning how to deal faithfully and compassionately with the LGBT community. More conversations like this need to happen. I hope the students gained as much from our time together as I did.
Not surprisingly, especially given the content of the class (required for United Methodist ordination), several questions were asked about ordination of LGBT clergy. Some of these questions were harder to field than others and I want to re-iterate something I stated during the presentation.
There are faithful Christians who believe that monogamous same-sex relationships are not sinful. There are also faithful Christians who believe that any same-sex relationship is sinful. I won't weigh in on this. But one thing I will weigh in on - No church should ever deny a celibate Christian from seeking ordination, even if he/she happens to be attracted to members of the same sex. Denying someone ordination, or any level of full involvement in the church merely because of which sex he/she is attracted to is completely, utterly wrong because it has no basis in Scriptural truth. Attraction is not a sin, and it has never been described as such in Scripture.
What does your church denomination believe? Do you know? What do you think about ordination of our LGBT brothers and sisters? LGBT friends, weigh in as well. I want this audience to hear your thoughts, feelings, frustrations, and hurts regarding this particular topic. Let's talk!
Not surprisingly, especially given the content of the class (required for United Methodist ordination), several questions were asked about ordination of LGBT clergy. Some of these questions were harder to field than others and I want to re-iterate something I stated during the presentation.
There are faithful Christians who believe that monogamous same-sex relationships are not sinful. There are also faithful Christians who believe that any same-sex relationship is sinful. I won't weigh in on this. But one thing I will weigh in on - No church should ever deny a celibate Christian from seeking ordination, even if he/she happens to be attracted to members of the same sex. Denying someone ordination, or any level of full involvement in the church merely because of which sex he/she is attracted to is completely, utterly wrong because it has no basis in Scriptural truth. Attraction is not a sin, and it has never been described as such in Scripture.
What does your church denomination believe? Do you know? What do you think about ordination of our LGBT brothers and sisters? LGBT friends, weigh in as well. I want this audience to hear your thoughts, feelings, frustrations, and hurts regarding this particular topic. Let's talk!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Resources Galore!
I've been wanting to post this list for some time and I think the beginning of the New Year is the perfect time. Many of you have contacted me with stories of a friend or family member in your life who is part of the LGBT community and you're reading this blog because you have a lot of questions. You may be wondering how to relate, what to say, how not to offend, or how to understand what your friend or loved one is experiencing, feeling, or thinking. Some of you may even be in pastoral care and are feeling ill-equipped and under-educated.
What better way to love and honor an LGBT (or questioning) person in your life than to make your New Year's resolution a commitment to seeking truth, insight, and kindness towards your friend or loved one?
This is not an exhaustive list by any means, but it's a good starting place for those of you who want a variety of perspectives, and some helpful information, on what's really going on for LGBT folk. The resources listed here contains various perspectives on homosexuality and are labeled as such. All are helpful resources for education. Some are religious in nature, some not so much. I don't endorse any one perspective - I just provide a variety of perspectives for your benefit, and hopefully, some balance.
There is one stipulation to using this list. You must agree to read ones you think you'll disagree with. :)
I've given headings and hyperlinks to each resource to help you find what you're most looking for. If you have a particular need, or a particular area of interest, and need some help knowing where to start, COMMENT ME PLEASE! This is why I'm doing this - I want to help you to be better friends, parents, brothers, sisters, pastoral care givers, and loved ones to those people in your life who just happen to experience unwanted same-sex attraction, or who happily identify themselves as a member of the LGBT community. I love questions. If any of these resources piques your interest and you want more info, COMMENT ME. I have a storehouse of more detailed resources that could help, but these are at least a good starting place for a variety of information, particularly on LGB issues (I'm still working on my T resources). Also, if you have any more resources to share, feel free to leave them in comments.
Enjoy!
For First Time Traditional Christian Readers/Researchers on the Topic:
- If I Told You - Vol 1 (2007) and Vol. 2 (2010) - real and honest stories from those experiencing same-sex attraction in a conservative Christian college environment (2007)
- Through My Eyes DVD - stories from LGBT Christians describing their relationship with God and the process of struggle in reconciling their faith and sexual orientation
- Love is an Orientation: Andrew Marin - After three of his best friends (all Christians) came out to him within three months, Marin had to wrestle with difficult questions regarding sexual identity and Christianity. In this book, he shares about his bridge-building ministry between the LGBT community and the Church, his incarnational presence in the largest gay neighborhood in the country, and he addresses tension-filled questions with grace and new insight
- Washed and Waiting: Wesley Hill - As a celibate gay Christian, Hill provides a glimpse of what it looks like to wrestle firsthand with God's 'No' to same-sex relationships. What does it mean for gay Christians to live faithful to God while struggling with the challenge of their homosexuality? What is God's will for believers who experience same-sex desires? This book gives good perspective on the struggles that celibate gay Christians have, and pushes the audience to consider how the Church ought to respond.
- GCN - The Great Debate - two articles that present differing perspectives. Side A - God blesses monogamous same-sex relationships and Side B - God does not bless same-sex sexual relationships. Both articles present the popular arguments and respond to the Scriptures that mention homosexuality. Read both articles.
- Blogs
- Love Is An Orientation - blog for the Marin Foundation, an organization dedicated to building bridges between the LGBT and evangelical Christian communities
- Bridging The Gap - blog for New Direction Ministries, a Canada based organization whose mission is to nurture safe and spacious places for those outside the heterosexual main-stream to explore and grow in faith in Jesus Christ.
- This Blog - Specifically, see these pivotal posts, if you haven't already:
- Brokenness - are LGBT people “broken”?
- Did They Choose It? - examines whether sexual orientation is chosen
- Meet Jared - a personal story of a Christian gay man
- Gay Lingo 101 (Part 1 and Part 2) - language that relates to the LGBT Community; what to say and what NOT to say
- Why Gays Deserve an Apology from Christians - explaining how the church has misrepresented itself, and ultimately Christ, to the LGBT community
LGBT Resources - Created For/By Christians (Varying Perspectives):
- The Marin Foundation - Bridge-building organization (works between the church and the LGBT community); website contains a fantastic list of resources and articles
- Institute for the Study of Sexual Identity - Research based institute at Regent University that addresses the challenges and difficulties for those facing the hard work of reconciling their faith and sexual orientation from a psychological perspective
- Exodus International - Umbrella organization that provides a list of organizations and resources for those experiencing unwanted same-sex attraction; includes support groups, reparitive/conversion therapy, etc. (Note - some, myself included, believe this type of approach can, at least at times, be harmful - see Gay Lingo 101 - Part 2: First item on the list)
- New Direction - Canada based organization whose mission is to nurture safe and spacious places for those outside the heterosexual main-stream to explore and grow in faith in Jesus Christ.
- Gay Christian Network - a nonprofit ministry supporting Christians worldwide who happen to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT); provides an online chat/support community, podcasts on LGBT/Christian topics, annual conference, and open, safe discussions on how to honor God with homosexual orientation (monogomous relationships vs. celibacy)
- Evangelicals Concerned - works to provide safe and comfortable places for men and women to reconcile their Christian faith with their sexuality; offers a mentorship program for Christians in the LGBT community
LGBT Advocacy/Awareness/Support Organizations:
- Give A Damn Campaign - Advocacy and support for LGBT community
- GLSEN (pronounced Glisten) - Advocacy and support for LGBT; initiatives include the very popular Day of Silence and GSA's (Gay/Straight Alliances) in schools to provide support for youth combating bullying
- GLAAD - Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation
- The Trevor Project - Works towards prevention of LGBT teenage suicides; originators of the "It Gets Better Campaign"
- PFLAG - Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays; support and advocacy group
- The Advocate - national gay and lesbian newsmagazine
- Human Rights Campaign - organization working for LGBT Equal Rights
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
My Story (Good, Bad, and Ugly)
Sometimes I cry in movies. Tonight I saw “The Help”. I didn’t cry. I sat in that movie theater and I sobbed, the tears rolling quietly down my cheeks, in a nearly empty theater, thankful for the dark that enshrouded me. It wasn’t the characters or the storytelling. It was so much more. And it's time to tell my story.
My husband left me exactly 7 months ago today. He told me by text message that he was moving out one day while I was at work. There was no goodbye. There was just me, falling to the floor of an empty seminary office, digging my fingers into the carpet to try to grasp onto something that wouldn’t move. There was just me wondering where the tears were coming from when I couldn’t even feel myself crying. My whole world fell apart. One day you’re moving along as if everything is okay, the next, your legs go out from under you. You become unusually acquainted with the floor – the floor of your bedroom, your bathroom, your living room, your kitchen, the laundry room, your closet, your shower, your office. The agony keeps pushing down so heavily on you that you just keep ending up at the lowest place in the room. You spend so much time just trying to pick yourself up off of it.
Suddenly, tying your shoes feels overwhelming. You can’t stand, you can’t eat, you can’t get out of bed, you can’t write, you can’t think, you can’t see straight. All you can feel is shock. And numb. You look at your friends blankly, as if they’ve lost their minds when they want to know how you feel. “Am I supposed to feel something? How can I feel something? I can’t think or breathe or even get dressed in the morning. I’m supposed to feel something and I can’t…what’s wrong with me???!!!” Everything is wrong.
And damn, when the numb wears off, DAMN. All you can feel is crushing, overwhelming agony. You stare blankly at your computer screen at work. You try to care about something, anything, but you don’t. Waterproof mascara? Total bullshit. You wonder why you bother to even put it on when it all ends up in puddles you’ve soaked up with carefully dabbed tissues. You dab with the tissues at your tears so that your makeup doesn’t run. You don’t want everyone at work to think you’ve lost your mind after your third breakdown that day. But you have. And you’ve lost everything else too. You’ve lost things like trust, dignity, respect, promises, hopes and dreams, and most of all, the person you’ve built everything around. Every morning you wake up and your first thought is “12 more hours until I can go to sleep and be unconscious again.” The pain is unbearable. Sleep is no better. When it finally comes, you dream that your waking hours are the dream and that your dreams are your reality, where things are normal and make sense again, where you turn over in the middle of the night and your husband is still next to you, where you come home at the end of the day and he is there. Waking is disappointing.
My husband left. And I didn’t pick up a pen to write for a long time. All inspiration was gone.
Why am I telling you this? What would possess me to share with such vulnerability, the journey I've been on these last months? I'll tell you. Many of you have felt these same things. Many of you need to know that you're not alone in your pain, that someone else has been there, done that, experienced something akin to the hell you're in, and is day by day, making it out alive. If my story can make one person feel less alone, it's worth sharing.
My husband left. And I didn’t pick up a pen to write for a long time. All inspiration was gone.
Why am I telling you this? What would possess me to share with such vulnerability, the journey I've been on these last months? I'll tell you. Many of you have felt these same things. Many of you need to know that you're not alone in your pain, that someone else has been there, done that, experienced something akin to the hell you're in, and is day by day, making it out alive. If my story can make one person feel less alone, it's worth sharing.
I know what it feels like to lose faith in something you’ve built your life around. I know what it’s like to feel helpless to change a situation so you will no longer be rejected. I know what it’s like to be discarded and betrayed by someone who was supposed to always have your back. I know what it’s like to be afraid to trust again. Sometimes I wonder how all the pieces will come back together again. Sometimes? Always. Always I wonder that.
Some of you have lost all your hope and faith in the church, maybe in God, or at least in certain people, because of how you’ve been treated. You’ve lost all the trust you ever had in an institution (the church) that was supposed to be a place of haven through the hard times. You feel rejected over something you can’t change, hard as you try. You’ve been cast aside by the people who were supposed to love you the most – your families, your moms and dads and grandparents, your friends, your churches. You’re afraid to trust that a Christian will ever really look out for your best again.
I haven’t walked a mile in your shoes – I don’t know what it’s like. But I can imagine, more so now than ever, the pain that you feel. It’s not fair. When you’ve done nothing to deserve the hardship, confusion, pain, and rejection, it’s not fair. When you pour out your life in service to another, or in service to God, and your reward is to be discarded and rejected, it’s not fair. You may wonder if you will ever again feel at peace with yourself and with the world around you. You may wonder if you will survive. You may wonder why the hell you have to go through this. You may wonder where God has gone. And you may not find many good answers – or at least, none that will satisfy the depth of pain that causes you to ask the questions in the first place.
I went to the movie theater tonight because I made myself a promise several months ago. I promised to go see a movie by myself. It’s one of those things you do, I suppose, when you want to know you can be alone and still be okay. I think I’m doing pretty well with being both – alone and okay. This is entirely thanks to the massive outpouring of love and healing that God has overwhelmed me with these past months. I have nothing but praise for Him on my lips. He is good. And for tonight, at least, I had a victory. Little victories like the one I had tonight stay with you forever when you’re fighting a war as big as the one I’m fighting. They pull you through the shittiest of days. In the meantime though, you might find yourself crying your eyes out in the middle of an empty movie theater.
Suddenly, all the pain in the world feels so real and close and understandable and tangible to me. It’s not about what I’m going through – it’s an understanding that SO MANY are going through the same awful shit. I sat in that movie theater and cried because I heard the stories of my LGBT friends at every turn in the accounts of abuse, mistreatment, disdain, and disgust from those of us who think we know the “Christian” way to help, or instruct, or lead the “lesser” among us. I cried because I want to be like that main character. She didn’t have time to worry about what she stood to lose - she was singularly driven by what others stood to gain. She was focused on what was important – giving voice to those who had been abused, silenced, and mistreated. She knew that, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters to someone who is in agony is whether or not you’ll hold their hand through it, and fight their battles for and with them.
I am so thankful for those who have held my hand through it, and fought my battles for and with me. I owe my life to those people. There’s no way to repay that. The only thing I know to do is to be that level of “good” to those around me. I want to take every risk necessary to tell people’s stories. Big things can happen when we listen to each other’s hearts for the first time and realize together that neither of us knows what the shit to do to make it better. In those moments at least, we know that we’re not in it alone. Being helpless is a sacred thing. When we realize that we have reached the end of ourselves and we still don’t have an answer, we turn to the only One is big enough to solve the dilemma. He’s the one that gives me hope and strength on the worst days.
My pastor preaches with stunning conviction, strength, truth, and grace every Sunday. I was undone this week by his words. “Out of your shattered life can come more than you ever expected, because it doesn’t depend on you. God will not allow defeat to occur, if you are willing to fall down before Him. Life will come forth, not because you can call it forth, but because He can, and will. And he will yield in you the greatest fruit your life has ever seen.”
God redeems all things. He turns the wounded into the healers. It is out of Christ’s woundedness, suffering, and brokenness that we have a God who both empathizes with our broken condition, and has simultaneously redeemed it. His wounds provided for our healing. His suffering provided for our comfort. His death provided for our life. As an act of obedience, I am compelled to turn my own wounds, sufferings, and death into healing, comfort, and life for my brothers and sisters in the same way that Christ turned His into such a means of redemption for us. God’s Kingdom is one in which destruction itself becomes the foundation from which Christ builds His salvation. I’ve got plenty of destruction to work with. I’m glad that He is big enough and good enough to turn it into overflowing redemption.
I'm doing okay these days. I'm happy. I've got a lot to work through still, but I am full of hope. And God is closer than ever. I am still confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. He is good. He is faithful. He restores all things. May He redeem my broken story, and yours. I believe He can, and He will.
Peace to you all, in your brokenness and His redemption, and much love, deep and everlasting.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Breaking The Silence (Sort Of)
Hey friends! Long time no blog. I've missed you all! It's time to break the silence, but there's some important steps that need to come first, including another LOVEboldly leadership (and anyone else who's interested in finding out what we're about) meeting.
I want to direct you to our facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/2LOVEboldly
Go "like" our page so you can stay up to date with what's going on.
And also, SUPER IMPORTANT, if you are interested in becoming involved (as a volunteer or in leadership role with LOVEboldly), please plan to attend (or skype in) for our next meeting. In order to schedule a meeting at a time that works for everyone, I've started a survey on our facebook page.
So...
1. Go "like" us on facebook (This is very important, even if we are already "friends" on facebook, because I will be making some changes to social media settings and you might get left out if you aren't on the LOVEboldly page specifically).
2. Fill out the survey on the homepage so we can get the next meeting scheduled (I'm stoked! Are you stoked?!)
3. Pray for the next meeting - I will be filling you all in on what's been up (including an announcement on why there's been such a dead silence out here for the last several months).
4. Get excited - we will be making some plans and brainstorming for the next several months.
I like all of you. So I hope you will "like" me (on facebook at least, if not in real life)! :)
I want to direct you to our facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/2LOVEboldly
Go "like" our page so you can stay up to date with what's going on.
And also, SUPER IMPORTANT, if you are interested in becoming involved (as a volunteer or in leadership role with LOVEboldly), please plan to attend (or skype in) for our next meeting. In order to schedule a meeting at a time that works for everyone, I've started a survey on our facebook page.
So...
1. Go "like" us on facebook (This is very important, even if we are already "friends" on facebook, because I will be making some changes to social media settings and you might get left out if you aren't on the LOVEboldly page specifically).
2. Fill out the survey on the homepage so we can get the next meeting scheduled (I'm stoked! Are you stoked?!)
3. Pray for the next meeting - I will be filling you all in on what's been up (including an announcement on why there's been such a dead silence out here for the last several months).
4. Get excited - we will be making some plans and brainstorming for the next several months.
I like all of you. So I hope you will "like" me (on facebook at least, if not in real life)! :)
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Call For Entries
You must think I've forgotten about all of you! I haven't.
I do want you all to know that you will experience a silence for some time from me. A personal issue has arisen that has been rather demanding on my energy and time. However, I am not deterred - you will hear from me again. It may be several months before I am able to post, however.
Given the situation, I am putting out there a call for entries! If you like to write, and are a good writer, are open to honest feedback, and have something to say regarding faith and sexuality, leave me a comment here or on our facebook page. Someone will get in touch with you for submission information. If you write something that is good enough to post with minor edits, we'll go ahead and put it up in my absence.
In the meantime, continue the call to LOVE boldly. Talk to you all again soon!
I do want you all to know that you will experience a silence for some time from me. A personal issue has arisen that has been rather demanding on my energy and time. However, I am not deterred - you will hear from me again. It may be several months before I am able to post, however.
Given the situation, I am putting out there a call for entries! If you like to write, and are a good writer, are open to honest feedback, and have something to say regarding faith and sexuality, leave me a comment here or on our facebook page. Someone will get in touch with you for submission information. If you write something that is good enough to post with minor edits, we'll go ahead and put it up in my absence.
In the meantime, continue the call to LOVE boldly. Talk to you all again soon!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Anonymity - Good or Bad?
Well, here it is - the long avoided post about anonymity.
When I first started this blog, my hope was that, through allowing anonymous comments, we would be able to hear voices that otherwise might be reticent to ask questions or seek help. And so, I allowed for "anonymous" comments. Unfortunately, over the last several months, this idea of anonymity hasn't really worked out the way I had intended it. Instead of attracting people who felt afraid to ask questions or seek help, it seems to have been attracting readers who want to make a strongly worded comment (usually very negative) but who don't want to identify themselves.
I truly am not offended by people that have concerns, problems, or irritations with what we're doing here. Honestly, I'm not. People that are offended by our message are the very reason that this group exists. Safe places are necessary in these conversations, and each person is entitled to his/her opinion and convictions. I embrace and welcome that. I see great value in the variety of perspectives, opinions, theological persuasions, etc. and I think it's all a part of the bigger vision we are working towards. Nevertheless, I've been noticing that it seems to be that only the people who disagree heartily (one way or another) with what I've said (or, more frequently, what they've perceived I have said) that are using the Anonymous button. There is a second issue that has arisen as well - the limitation of having several "Anonymous" people post comments all on the same blog post. It gets confusing when I'm trying to respond to the comments individually.
With all that in mind, and after some soul-searching, prayer, and thoughtfulness, I've made a decision. In order that that I might be enabled to respond effectively to both people who love what we're doing, and people who despise it, and also to encourage some accountability for people "owning" the criticisms they submit, I've disabled the "Anonymous" commenting. If we're going to have helpful dialogue, we should at least be able to address one another by screen name, if nothing else. And if you feel strongly about something, I think you should feel strongly enough about it that you tell me your name, or at least a screen name. Comments will continue to be unfiltered and unmoderated, unless things get out of hand. I remain committed to publishing all comments, unless they become hateful and/or slanderous. I won't hesitate to delete those but everything else is fair game! And, just so you know, to date I've not had to delete any comments.
I think I've set it up correctly so that everyone can still comment, but you will have to provide a username of sorts. If anyone is having trouble commenting, please let me know. In fact, leave me a comment on this post if you would, just so I know you all are still out there. I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but unfortunately the conversation is not effective the way it was setup previously, and it is time to correct course. The second half of our name is "Risk Offense" so I guess I'm taking my own advice as I make this change.
So leave some love. Or some hate. Either one, let's hear 'em both. But leave me your name too. :)
When I first started this blog, my hope was that, through allowing anonymous comments, we would be able to hear voices that otherwise might be reticent to ask questions or seek help. And so, I allowed for "anonymous" comments. Unfortunately, over the last several months, this idea of anonymity hasn't really worked out the way I had intended it. Instead of attracting people who felt afraid to ask questions or seek help, it seems to have been attracting readers who want to make a strongly worded comment (usually very negative) but who don't want to identify themselves.
I truly am not offended by people that have concerns, problems, or irritations with what we're doing here. Honestly, I'm not. People that are offended by our message are the very reason that this group exists. Safe places are necessary in these conversations, and each person is entitled to his/her opinion and convictions. I embrace and welcome that. I see great value in the variety of perspectives, opinions, theological persuasions, etc. and I think it's all a part of the bigger vision we are working towards. Nevertheless, I've been noticing that it seems to be that only the people who disagree heartily (one way or another) with what I've said (or, more frequently, what they've perceived I have said) that are using the Anonymous button. There is a second issue that has arisen as well - the limitation of having several "Anonymous" people post comments all on the same blog post. It gets confusing when I'm trying to respond to the comments individually.
With all that in mind, and after some soul-searching, prayer, and thoughtfulness, I've made a decision. In order that that I might be enabled to respond effectively to both people who love what we're doing, and people who despise it, and also to encourage some accountability for people "owning" the criticisms they submit, I've disabled the "Anonymous" commenting. If we're going to have helpful dialogue, we should at least be able to address one another by screen name, if nothing else. And if you feel strongly about something, I think you should feel strongly enough about it that you tell me your name, or at least a screen name. Comments will continue to be unfiltered and unmoderated, unless things get out of hand. I remain committed to publishing all comments, unless they become hateful and/or slanderous. I won't hesitate to delete those but everything else is fair game! And, just so you know, to date I've not had to delete any comments.
I think I've set it up correctly so that everyone can still comment, but you will have to provide a username of sorts. If anyone is having trouble commenting, please let me know. In fact, leave me a comment on this post if you would, just so I know you all are still out there. I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but unfortunately the conversation is not effective the way it was setup previously, and it is time to correct course. The second half of our name is "Risk Offense" so I guess I'm taking my own advice as I make this change.
So leave some love. Or some hate. Either one, let's hear 'em both. But leave me your name too. :)
Meeting Notes - 4/25/11
Many of you have asked for an update on how our first meeting went, what was discussed, how you can get involved, etc. Well, take a look at the notes below. It will (hopefully) tell you everything you need to know about what we need, where we're heading, and how you can help!
Thanks to everyone who came out this week! What a blessing to share this with others who are so excited about this vision! Much love to you all!
LOVE boldly Meeting Notes
04/25/2011
Blog
- Frequency: would like to have at least one new entry posted per week
- Good writers and good quality posts needed
- Have to be willing to let Heidi edit entries
Small Groups
- For those who are working to reconcile their faith and sexual orientation and are feeling the need for support, encouragement, and resources towards that goal
- Need place to have it
o Wilmore is preferred but not on campus
- We should not call it a college group, should be open to all ages
- Need safe, agenda-less people to help lead it and people to help advertise, champion, and support the vision
- Will use various discussion starters, including watching videos/documentaries on issues related to faith and sexuality
o GCN’s “Through My Eyes”
o Show films from both perspectives and discuss the range of opinions on the various topics of interest
Gay Pride
- We want to partner with another church or ministry
o Financial support from churches and/or other ministries could help us fund the outreach
o Could share the booth as two separate groups trying to be loving towards the LGBT community
- Needs: Tent to cover booth in case of rain
o Volunteers needed all day
- T-shirts and/or signs with apology on it
- Hand out water?
Seminars
- Present to churches/faith communities who have a conservative view of the Scriptures that address homosexuality
o Intention is not to change their minds
o Teach them how to serve the LGBT community in love and meet practical needs, even if their convictions are that same-sex sexual activity is wrong in God’s eyes
- Venues needed to present these seminars
o Conferences
o Churches – both gay affirming and/or conservative
o Would like to have one at Asbury Seminary
Other Needs
- Prayer Support
- Fundraising
o Needed for events, materials, education, travel, etc.
o Small donations from many people might be easier than large donors
o Grant writing – need someone who is experienced/skilled
- Marketing Materials
o Identity materials – Website, business cards, etc.
o Flyers for events
o Someone to handle publicity, advertising, etc.
- Organizational Structuring
o Two options:
§ Option 1 - Become our own non-profit
· Would need to talk to an accountant and probably a lawyer
· Is a long and expensive process
§ Option 2 - Partner with another non-profit (come underneath their umbrella)
· We will be reticent to form alliances – must be with trustworthy organizations and individuals; will not jump into this quickly but would like to entertain it as a viable option
· Not willing to partner with a church or with a gay-affirming organization; needs to be a neutral organization of some sort; otherwise, we will alienate one side or the other
· Discussion around whether it would be possible to form alliance with two organizations/churches – one pro-gay and one traditionally minded Christian, in order to balance alliances; could be an option, but will be difficult to find two organizations willing to participate in such a way
- Leadership
o Board of Directors will be necessary eventually
o Hope to find at least 2 mentors (each with differing opinions on the theological issues), to impart wisdom, support in prayer, help champion our efforts, and help strike balance in everything we do
o If you are interested in being a part of leadership, feel free to express that to Heidi, but only if you are willing to be turned down without feelings being hurt; leaders will be chosen deliberately and cautiously, and only after demonstrating trustworthiness with this cause and the sensitivity of the issues that surround it
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Launch Meeting!
Hello friends!
Many of you have expressed an interest in getting involved in the work of building safe environments to discuss sexual orientation and faith so here's your chance!
We are gathering on Monday, April 25th at 7:30 PM. If you are local to the Lexington, KY area, and want to hear what we're about, why we're doing what we're doing, and how you can get involved, leave a comment with a way to contact you (phone or email), and I will get you the address for where the meeting will be held! This is an informational/planning and launch meeting so come with your calendars if you want to get involved in planning/launching our first events.
Know someone else that might be interested? Invite them too! Looking forward to seeing you there!
Many of you have expressed an interest in getting involved in the work of building safe environments to discuss sexual orientation and faith so here's your chance!
We are gathering on Monday, April 25th at 7:30 PM. If you are local to the Lexington, KY area, and want to hear what we're about, why we're doing what we're doing, and how you can get involved, leave a comment with a way to contact you (phone or email), and I will get you the address for where the meeting will be held! This is an informational/planning and launch meeting so come with your calendars if you want to get involved in planning/launching our first events.
Know someone else that might be interested? Invite them too! Looking forward to seeing you there!
Monday, April 4, 2011
What's Happening - April
April. It's April. It's April?!
I've been rather quiet lately and I promise, it's not for lack of dedication. Working full-time, doing school half-time and trying to be somewhat of a semblance of a normal, well-adjusted person just doesn't leave a lot of time for the things I love to do - like blog. I've been wanting to write posts, itching to write them, but over the past few months I have sensed God calling me to focus more on some things developing "behind the scenes" so to speak. But alas, I have been far too absent. I decided today that even if I don't have time to come up with brilliant, provocative, encouraging, inspiring posts, I must post nonetheless and tell you what things are happening. And so, the "What's Happening" post strikes again.
First, readership is growing. Weird, seeing as how I haven't been writing. But hey, I'll take it. I'm glad you are all reading, and I'm glad you're telling your friends to read too. Keep doing that! I hope that somehow my words encourage you, bring you hope, or inspire you to reach to someone you didn't know how to reach to before, or open your heart to someone who is worthy of your trust.
Second, though I haven't been writing on here very much, I have been writing. I am in the throes of developing seminars for churches and faith organizations (especially traditional evangelical organizations with a traditional view of the Scriptures that address homosexuality). The topic would be basic training and education on how to go about engaging the LGBT community in a way that is loving and serving, without feeling the need to sacrifice convictions. I'm not sure what this is going to look like in the end. I've completed a very rough draft at this point and it looks to be somewhere around 2.5 hours of teaching and I'm still filling in the holes. There's still much work to do and I am considering creating a much smaller version (perhaps an hour-ish in length) to share with some churches first. Then, everyone who says, "Hey that chick has something worthwhile to share and I wanna know more" can come to the super-awesome half-day seminar (or, the way it's going, it may end up being a whole-day seminar) that will be more in depth. Or something like that. Who knows? It is my hope though, to start teaching this stuff within the next month or two. So, if you know a church or faith organization that wants some training on how to engage the LGBT community, well, tell them wonderful things about me. And then contact me and give me their information.
Third, I have been reading and researching, as always. Right now I am reading Andrew Marin's "Love is an Orientation" book for the second time. The first time I read it, I was getting educated. That was 2 years ago. This second time that I'm working through it is different. I find myself relating to the stories he shares and saying, "Yeah, I've met people like this with similar stories." I find myself relating to his story more personally as well, having now personally encountered some of the same challenges and obstacles that he mentions. It really is a must-read for any evangelical Christian who wants to understand how to build friendships with those in the LGBT community. A warning though - it will break your heart and change you forever. Beware.
I've also been reading lots of other books and articles on the therapy options available for those who are experiencing difficulty coming to terms with their same-sex attraction. This has been...interesting. The range of emotions that I experience while reading about the options available is, well...diverse. I travel from totally infuriated to totally hopeful in a matter of minutes sometimes. I can't help but get really "mama-bear-ish" when I read about the ways people have suffered spiritual abuse at the hands of well-intentioned, poorly qualified/educated Christians who have not dealt with the issue ethically, appropriately, or compassionately. And yes, by "mama-bear-ish" I mean, "I will growl at you and destroy you if you try that again on someone I love. (Growl growl. Bare my teeth!)"
The good news is that there are some good things out there and I have particularly been enjoying reading about Sexual Identity Therapy, which is actual therapy (counseling by a mental health professional) and is gaining some endorsement by key members of the American Psychological Association. Rather than seeking to change orientation, it provides a supportive and encouraging environment for clients who are experiencing difficulty integrating their religious values with their sexual identity. It creates space for the client to determine their values, and for the therapist to assist the client in reaching congruence between his/her values and his/her sexuality. If you want to know more, you can read more here: http://tinyurl.com/3qwe6f2. Ideally, I'd really like to write an article (or perhaps a book someday) on the implications (ethical, moral, spiritual, and social) of the various forms of therapy available for those encountering same-sex attraction, and offer critique of the various organizations offering the different models, their measures of efficacy, etc. But, that's for another day, or probably, another year. Oh pipe dreams!
One other thing I have been doing is intentionally building relationships. I've been meeting with people at my Seminary and the University across the street, in hopes of garnering support for some of the events I have in the works. One of the things I'm working towards is starting a small-group to discuss topics of faith and sexual orientation in a non-threatening way. I want to get this started asap but we are still seeking the right venue to hold it at - a place where people from the college, the seminary, and the community at large can all feel comfortable coming somewhat anonymously. Additionally, I'm hoping that I can advertise the event on both campuses, but will need to go through the proper channels to get that approved, which could take some time.
I've also been immersing myself in the LGBT community, attending LGBT events, etc. here in Lexington to build new relationships. I went to a drag show a few weeks ago with my husband and a friend of his from work. It was not my first time seeing drag, but it was my first time sitting through an entire show, which was a good experience. We went because one of our friends was performing. I know it meant a lot to him that we came. I also was thrilled to have the opportunity to visit the local LGBT support group in Lexington. I got to make some new friends, which is always wonderful. I was grateful for how welcoming and friendly they were to the one straight girl in the room!
Lastly, I am working towards a presence at the Lexington Pride festival. I am going outside of my skin with excitement. I'd really like to have a booth where we offer apologies for how the church has hurt the LGBT community and hand out free food/drinks to bless and serve those that are at the event. My goal is to show them that, despite the ugly signs and protesters, God doesn't hate them, he actually thinks they're pretty amazing.
So, that is what is UP. Whew, I'm worn out just re-counting all of that. Please be praying! There is much that is 'in the works' right now and my prayer is that God would bring it all to fruition in His timing. It has been really neat to see how God is bringing together a group of people around me who are equally excited and dedicated to building these safe environments to discuss faith and sexual orientation. I can't wait to see what happens next! Until next time....LOVE BOLDLY.
I've been rather quiet lately and I promise, it's not for lack of dedication. Working full-time, doing school half-time and trying to be somewhat of a semblance of a normal, well-adjusted person just doesn't leave a lot of time for the things I love to do - like blog. I've been wanting to write posts, itching to write them, but over the past few months I have sensed God calling me to focus more on some things developing "behind the scenes" so to speak. But alas, I have been far too absent. I decided today that even if I don't have time to come up with brilliant, provocative, encouraging, inspiring posts, I must post nonetheless and tell you what things are happening. And so, the "What's Happening" post strikes again.
First, readership is growing. Weird, seeing as how I haven't been writing. But hey, I'll take it. I'm glad you are all reading, and I'm glad you're telling your friends to read too. Keep doing that! I hope that somehow my words encourage you, bring you hope, or inspire you to reach to someone you didn't know how to reach to before, or open your heart to someone who is worthy of your trust.
Second, though I haven't been writing on here very much, I have been writing. I am in the throes of developing seminars for churches and faith organizations (especially traditional evangelical organizations with a traditional view of the Scriptures that address homosexuality). The topic would be basic training and education on how to go about engaging the LGBT community in a way that is loving and serving, without feeling the need to sacrifice convictions. I'm not sure what this is going to look like in the end. I've completed a very rough draft at this point and it looks to be somewhere around 2.5 hours of teaching and I'm still filling in the holes. There's still much work to do and I am considering creating a much smaller version (perhaps an hour-ish in length) to share with some churches first. Then, everyone who says, "Hey that chick has something worthwhile to share and I wanna know more" can come to the super-awesome half-day seminar (or, the way it's going, it may end up being a whole-day seminar) that will be more in depth. Or something like that. Who knows? It is my hope though, to start teaching this stuff within the next month or two. So, if you know a church or faith organization that wants some training on how to engage the LGBT community, well, tell them wonderful things about me. And then contact me and give me their information.
Third, I have been reading and researching, as always. Right now I am reading Andrew Marin's "Love is an Orientation" book for the second time. The first time I read it, I was getting educated. That was 2 years ago. This second time that I'm working through it is different. I find myself relating to the stories he shares and saying, "Yeah, I've met people like this with similar stories." I find myself relating to his story more personally as well, having now personally encountered some of the same challenges and obstacles that he mentions. It really is a must-read for any evangelical Christian who wants to understand how to build friendships with those in the LGBT community. A warning though - it will break your heart and change you forever. Beware.
I've also been reading lots of other books and articles on the therapy options available for those who are experiencing difficulty coming to terms with their same-sex attraction. This has been...interesting. The range of emotions that I experience while reading about the options available is, well...diverse. I travel from totally infuriated to totally hopeful in a matter of minutes sometimes. I can't help but get really "mama-bear-ish" when I read about the ways people have suffered spiritual abuse at the hands of well-intentioned, poorly qualified/educated Christians who have not dealt with the issue ethically, appropriately, or compassionately. And yes, by "mama-bear-ish" I mean, "I will growl at you and destroy you if you try that again on someone I love. (Growl growl. Bare my teeth!)"
The good news is that there are some good things out there and I have particularly been enjoying reading about Sexual Identity Therapy, which is actual therapy (counseling by a mental health professional) and is gaining some endorsement by key members of the American Psychological Association. Rather than seeking to change orientation, it provides a supportive and encouraging environment for clients who are experiencing difficulty integrating their religious values with their sexual identity. It creates space for the client to determine their values, and for the therapist to assist the client in reaching congruence between his/her values and his/her sexuality. If you want to know more, you can read more here: http://tinyurl.com/3qwe6f2. Ideally, I'd really like to write an article (or perhaps a book someday) on the implications (ethical, moral, spiritual, and social) of the various forms of therapy available for those encountering same-sex attraction, and offer critique of the various organizations offering the different models, their measures of efficacy, etc. But, that's for another day, or probably, another year. Oh pipe dreams!
One other thing I have been doing is intentionally building relationships. I've been meeting with people at my Seminary and the University across the street, in hopes of garnering support for some of the events I have in the works. One of the things I'm working towards is starting a small-group to discuss topics of faith and sexual orientation in a non-threatening way. I want to get this started asap but we are still seeking the right venue to hold it at - a place where people from the college, the seminary, and the community at large can all feel comfortable coming somewhat anonymously. Additionally, I'm hoping that I can advertise the event on both campuses, but will need to go through the proper channels to get that approved, which could take some time.
I've also been immersing myself in the LGBT community, attending LGBT events, etc. here in Lexington to build new relationships. I went to a drag show a few weeks ago with my husband and a friend of his from work. It was not my first time seeing drag, but it was my first time sitting through an entire show, which was a good experience. We went because one of our friends was performing. I know it meant a lot to him that we came. I also was thrilled to have the opportunity to visit the local LGBT support group in Lexington. I got to make some new friends, which is always wonderful. I was grateful for how welcoming and friendly they were to the one straight girl in the room!
Lastly, I am working towards a presence at the Lexington Pride festival. I am going outside of my skin with excitement. I'd really like to have a booth where we offer apologies for how the church has hurt the LGBT community and hand out free food/drinks to bless and serve those that are at the event. My goal is to show them that, despite the ugly signs and protesters, God doesn't hate them, he actually thinks they're pretty amazing.
So, that is what is UP. Whew, I'm worn out just re-counting all of that. Please be praying! There is much that is 'in the works' right now and my prayer is that God would bring it all to fruition in His timing. It has been really neat to see how God is bringing together a group of people around me who are equally excited and dedicated to building these safe environments to discuss faith and sexual orientation. I can't wait to see what happens next! Until next time....LOVE BOLDLY.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Healing
This post has absolutely nothing to do with sexual orientation. But it has everything to do with faith. I didn't mean to write this - it happened by accident. I was supposed to write a 2 page paper on how I was going to work on my healing and spiritual growth. Instead, this is what came out of me - a 3 page paper on how God has worked on my healing and spiritual growth. My last post was on brokenness. I felt like this story about healing would be a good follow-up. To be honest, I hesitated to post it here. But I want us to be able to talk about things that are important to us - and sometimes that just deals with life in general. I hope you gain hope, strength, and belief from my story - no matter what part of the story you find yourself in. So without further ado, here it is, a story of healing:
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In the midst of pain and brokenness, all you can think to do is to beg God for relief, to plead with him to take it away, and to implore him to bring you the healing that you so desperately need. You lay there, in the battlefield, as gunshots ring around you, totally wounded and destroyed, completely unable to move, watching as you bleed uncontrollably, and you call out to him, “Lord, where are you? What did I do to deserve this? Help me here! I’m dying. Come to my rescue!”
He is silent. You are bleeding out. Confusion sets in. You start hallucinating, seeing and hearing things that aren’t real. Your mind is shutting down. You are dying, and you know it. And you wonder where He has gone, when you need him the most.
And then it happens. Suddenly He arrives. He sweeps in. There’s a faint recognition that he is speaking as he tends to you, but you can’t hear him. You’re losing consciousness and everything is echoing and overlapping now. His lips are moving but you can’t understand the words. Nothing is registering. You are blank, blank, blank.
Suddenly, you are awakened, jolted. You can feel again. PAIN. It courses through your body - excruciating pain, as he scrapes clean your wounds and dresses them. Adrenaline kicks in and anger overcomes you. You lunge at him. You punch and kick and scream and claw at him, demanding him to stop, begging him to leave. Crying and screaming you unleash yourself at him, “What kind of a God are you anyway, that shows up at the last minute, only to deliver more pain? You could have saved me long ago, before things got this bad. It’s to late now and the pain is to great – just leave me alone. Just let me die!“ But he has already finished it – the healing balm is in place now. And in His great mercy, he releases you from his hold, though not from his gaze. Gently he lays you down. He sets you in a safe place and sits back, waiting for the process to complete. He waits at a distance, because He knows you are suffering in your hurt, and anger, and violation. He knows you can’t bear his presence because it is a reminder of the pain, it is a reminder of all the moments He wasn’t there. He waits, patiently. And you lay there, weeping and crying, miserable, utterly alone, wishing for it all to end.
But it doesn’t. Now and again, He sweeps in, so swiftly and lightly that you don’t even notice it, to redress your wounds, quickly, deftly. He withdraws again, just enough for you to feel safe, but close enough to watch over you. Time passes. The balm is working. “Maybe I’m going to recover,” you think. And then, without hesitation, “No, surely not. This is the end of things.” You glance over at him, furtively. You can’t fool him. He scoots in closer. You wonder if you dare look again. When it seems He is distracted, you venture a longer scrutinizing look, you’re watching skeptically, untrustingly, examining his every move. He catches you. He moves in closer. You’re not sure when or how it happens, but eventually you realize He is sitting right next to you. You can feel his presence now. You feel his warmth, and his breath and his power, like an invisible force field pulsing around you. You are compelled. Strong enough now, you sit up. You turn to Him. You are gazing at Him now. You can’t help yourself. “He’s beautiful.” you think to yourself.
You sit there together, cross-legged, knees touching, looking at each other, face-to-face, gazing into each other’s eyes. Silently you fight him, but you can’t help it. You lose yourself in Him. A rush of strength you have never known rips free inside of you. Something has changed. It is mounting - something terrible is about to happen, you can feel it. But you are glued to him – you cannot break His gaze. And suddenly it happens – you feel the explosion tear through you as the force of His goodness shatters everything. You are crushed.
You don’t remember moving but suddenly you are on you’re your knees, face to the dirt, before Him. His gaze has destroyed your defenses. Gut-wrenching sobs pour out of your mouth, your heart, your soul. “What have I done to deserve such a mercy as this? Why has he risked everything for me, coming into the battlefield, sacrificing himself? For me? For my rescue? His divine hands are stained with my blood. Why would he dirty himself for me? I screamed and swore and told him to go away. He came to me and he touched me and he healed me. What have I done to deserve his love, his favor, his kindness?”
You want to die anew. You want to kill everything bad inside of you. The gratitude, the indebtedness you feel, is overwhelming. There is nothing you can do to repay such a debt, to right the injustice of the mercy he has delivered. You sit at his feet, weeping, weeping, weeping as it sets in – he did this for you, with what benefit to Himself? He didn’t have to. He shouldn’t have wanted to. But he did, he did, he did. He did it, he wanted to, he was delighted to. And there are no words left – absolutely none. Only tears.
He was. He is. He is to come. Holy and anointed one of God, he shed His blood for me, for you, for us - a broken, wounded, confused people. He stained his hands with my blood as he healed my wounds. Mercifully, graciously, tenderly he dealt with me. Faithfully, carefully, deliberately he delivered his presence to me. Humbly, devotedly, resolutely I am compelled by his great mercy to serve Him now and forever.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So what about you? What part of the story are you in? Take faith, and hope, and courage. He is still working. He is still present. He is still good.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the midst of pain and brokenness, all you can think to do is to beg God for relief, to plead with him to take it away, and to implore him to bring you the healing that you so desperately need. You lay there, in the battlefield, as gunshots ring around you, totally wounded and destroyed, completely unable to move, watching as you bleed uncontrollably, and you call out to him, “Lord, where are you? What did I do to deserve this? Help me here! I’m dying. Come to my rescue!”
He is silent. You are bleeding out. Confusion sets in. You start hallucinating, seeing and hearing things that aren’t real. Your mind is shutting down. You are dying, and you know it. And you wonder where He has gone, when you need him the most.
And then it happens. Suddenly He arrives. He sweeps in. There’s a faint recognition that he is speaking as he tends to you, but you can’t hear him. You’re losing consciousness and everything is echoing and overlapping now. His lips are moving but you can’t understand the words. Nothing is registering. You are blank, blank, blank.
Suddenly, you are awakened, jolted. You can feel again. PAIN. It courses through your body - excruciating pain, as he scrapes clean your wounds and dresses them. Adrenaline kicks in and anger overcomes you. You lunge at him. You punch and kick and scream and claw at him, demanding him to stop, begging him to leave. Crying and screaming you unleash yourself at him, “What kind of a God are you anyway, that shows up at the last minute, only to deliver more pain? You could have saved me long ago, before things got this bad. It’s to late now and the pain is to great – just leave me alone. Just let me die!“ But he has already finished it – the healing balm is in place now. And in His great mercy, he releases you from his hold, though not from his gaze. Gently he lays you down. He sets you in a safe place and sits back, waiting for the process to complete. He waits at a distance, because He knows you are suffering in your hurt, and anger, and violation. He knows you can’t bear his presence because it is a reminder of the pain, it is a reminder of all the moments He wasn’t there. He waits, patiently. And you lay there, weeping and crying, miserable, utterly alone, wishing for it all to end.
But it doesn’t. Now and again, He sweeps in, so swiftly and lightly that you don’t even notice it, to redress your wounds, quickly, deftly. He withdraws again, just enough for you to feel safe, but close enough to watch over you. Time passes. The balm is working. “Maybe I’m going to recover,” you think. And then, without hesitation, “No, surely not. This is the end of things.” You glance over at him, furtively. You can’t fool him. He scoots in closer. You wonder if you dare look again. When it seems He is distracted, you venture a longer scrutinizing look, you’re watching skeptically, untrustingly, examining his every move. He catches you. He moves in closer. You’re not sure when or how it happens, but eventually you realize He is sitting right next to you. You can feel his presence now. You feel his warmth, and his breath and his power, like an invisible force field pulsing around you. You are compelled. Strong enough now, you sit up. You turn to Him. You are gazing at Him now. You can’t help yourself. “He’s beautiful.” you think to yourself.
You sit there together, cross-legged, knees touching, looking at each other, face-to-face, gazing into each other’s eyes. Silently you fight him, but you can’t help it. You lose yourself in Him. A rush of strength you have never known rips free inside of you. Something has changed. It is mounting - something terrible is about to happen, you can feel it. But you are glued to him – you cannot break His gaze. And suddenly it happens – you feel the explosion tear through you as the force of His goodness shatters everything. You are crushed.
You don’t remember moving but suddenly you are on you’re your knees, face to the dirt, before Him. His gaze has destroyed your defenses. Gut-wrenching sobs pour out of your mouth, your heart, your soul. “What have I done to deserve such a mercy as this? Why has he risked everything for me, coming into the battlefield, sacrificing himself? For me? For my rescue? His divine hands are stained with my blood. Why would he dirty himself for me? I screamed and swore and told him to go away. He came to me and he touched me and he healed me. What have I done to deserve his love, his favor, his kindness?”
You want to die anew. You want to kill everything bad inside of you. The gratitude, the indebtedness you feel, is overwhelming. There is nothing you can do to repay such a debt, to right the injustice of the mercy he has delivered. You sit at his feet, weeping, weeping, weeping as it sets in – he did this for you, with what benefit to Himself? He didn’t have to. He shouldn’t have wanted to. But he did, he did, he did. He did it, he wanted to, he was delighted to. And there are no words left – absolutely none. Only tears.
He was. He is. He is to come. Holy and anointed one of God, he shed His blood for me, for you, for us - a broken, wounded, confused people. He stained his hands with my blood as he healed my wounds. Mercifully, graciously, tenderly he dealt with me. Faithfully, carefully, deliberately he delivered his presence to me. Humbly, devotedly, resolutely I am compelled by his great mercy to serve Him now and forever.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So what about you? What part of the story are you in? Take faith, and hope, and courage. He is still working. He is still present. He is still good.
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